redemption.

101 . my year 10 yearly maths mark. i think it was.. well one of them was. (: for some reason, i was just reading it as lol. :L and its 11:11 :D make a wish cameron - been wishing the same thing over and over. :\ can wishes really come true? hahh. don't think so, but can always believee.
well, i had my two extra days of my long weekend, strangely satisfying but also quite lonely. :s first day i spent at home by myself, watching anime etc. off my friends harddrive, and some others which i haven't seen in a while or new ones. that was the better of the two, but i did have fun today! i got up around 9, got changed, realised my jeans were on the washing line so had to grab them and put them in the dryer. :x really so quiet in the daytime, nighttime too, i prefer night. its cooler too i realised as i was walking home today, wish it was like that everyday. again with the wishing hah.. okayss, woops almost forgot my basketball semi-finals. i was really out of it for that , don't expect much! but i did win. 44-37, my team did most of it, i was completely out of it, didn't have much motivation at all and my right thumb got jarred ten seconds in on the first possession, i won tip-off as usual, got the ball and they jar my finger and i lose it. aren't i good... was playing terrible throughout the whole game. thank goodness no one came to watch. (: what a strange expression thank goodness is. hehh... at the end of the game, this is the team we've been vsing since year 7, rude white kids, one of the kids came up to me and said ' if you fucking do that ever again ill fucking kick you in the head .' sick of it, i thought ;s really can't be fucked, i'd deck him but i'd be kicked out of the basketball so no point there hehh. just reported him to the ref, signed out a form because i wanted to take further action and now taking him to tribunal on monday night. see how you like that you fucker. if he doesn't show up, i still got 50 minutes driving. if he lies, than that just proves how pathetic he really is.
ok. back onto friday, ' not that anyone cares ' (: reminds me of big bang theory season 3 episode 4 with those goths ._. , went up to the station, walked! note that, and had to withdraw $20 for my daily expenditure. (: bought a ticket, and the ticket machine gave me back 8 $2 coins. :D yay, i knew it would, but its still funny. than went outside george st maccas, waited for my friends ._. my train was 7 minutes late, so got there just after 11, than went pc for an hour and played counter strike .. how fun? hahh.. anyways, than the other people were here, we did some stuff, than went k at around 1:20 and left it just before 2 and ditched half the people and went to pool. only have $12 left. went to pool, and than we played, and i bet i'd pay for my friend if some other guy sunk a shot which i didn't believe and he sunk it, so i paid for him . (: yay... than i had exactly $0. and than we walked back up to pc, half the people left again, and it was practically me and william bok choi - oh look he gets a special mention :L - playing pc. we played counter strike til the other guys left, played one game of dota than left! went home, walked home in the dark that was the nicest part, and than time just disappeared til now. can't even remember what i've been doing. :s was that really worth reading all that? didn't think so. (: should have this under a tab or something in the post like my friend use to have on their livejournal. ;s lets me just completely skip over things i don't care about. but i guess i did still read them, subliminal messages yeah? (:
half the time im writing these blogs, make that 95% of the time, im not sure of half the things im writing, more than half 95% :L hahhhh. just not too awake . was fun - weekend coming up, which means back to having to do stuff. ): coaching...work.. the same tiring crap. get through it cameron - one more week til holidays!

post #100 already huh. -tilts head and sighs. remember when i started all of this, its become a habit. open up firefox, click on my blog, my formspring, my facebook, check for new posts on a few other peoples ones than shut down the window. :\ things become habitual, but in reality its a little saddening.

did you know cherry blossoms fall at 5cm per second? ): is that a fact? no, but the thought, the meaning behind each action. people can make mistakes, live with that, people aren't perfect, we have feelings, we get sad, we get happy, we get lonely. that is what makes us human. watched 5cm per second :\ everytime especially on a day like this, everythings so happy, 'perfect' but no. haven't let tears out in a long time. (: guess things just build up inside. this movie is .. the best thing i have ever seen without a doubt, it brings in the slice of life aspect to add that sense of realism, which everyone can relate. and when i was watching it i longed.. longed for that same sense of realism, want to be there. back to when i was younger, maybe if i am blessed i can live happily like that in another life. :\ but the world will be a different place. the mix of the beautiful, priceless landscape just tore me apart. so much that i wonder what im doing now. what am i living? not making much sense am i, guess after 100 posts of non-nonsensical stuff its caught up to me huh.

Akari: Hey... They say it's five centimeters per second.
Takaki:What do you mean?
Akari: The speed at which the cherry blossom petals fall... Five centimeters per second.

do you believe that one thing can change a person? one moment? one thing.

post ninety nine, already hitting one hundred huh cameron. better make the next post a happy post. (: the best post ~ i have a four day weekend now, cus of some school thing but really not that excited. :\ wanted to go do things with friends, guess im going out on friday to kae and pc. but still not satisfied, i want .. aish. don't know how to explain it. tomorrow i have basketball semi finals, some friends are coming to watch (: but we're going to lose, letting them down in a way, even though i know i was going to lose, don't want them to watch me but i do. :s good to know your wanted. cameron's been doing a lot of thinking lately, little things have popped up making me wonder about things, what could have been - say it many times. today the people hosting jap exchange students got their pictures, most of them aren't very nice looking, none are pretty, but its photos we'll see when they get here not that i care anymore, maybe i did for the first 20 seconds or so, they'll be here for a week, don't even see i exist and move on - and everything moves on. i also got my friends harddrive today, got a few anime but they aren't copying over, giving him a few guess it shall be fun.. yeah :\ wishing i knew how to speak a foreign language, first if i could would be korean, than japanese, than cantonese, than mandarin. (: don't need anything apart from that. but looks like i won't even be able to learn japanese hehh. i want too much, want to be known, want to redecorate my room, want to be pretty, be better, stronger :s work harder cameron. and smile (:

cameron wants new earrings! haha. :D im really too lazy to go find them, maybe ill try looking for some online :\ i need some more. you know whats stupid! im not allowed to wear them while i play basketball. are they like racist against it? bahhhh. cameron shall find some eventually (:

watching fifa people? :L soccers not too bad, but i love basketball. didn't get to watch finals either. :\ cant wait til next season! or holidays, just lying back in my living room watching nba and exercising ! :D oh so fun. but i should be studying now :\ noooooooooo. haha, watching two and a half men and big bang theory. first time i turned on the tv not while im in bed for a while! :L

still slightly obsessed with lee jun ki. (: don't know how people can say his not perfect.

oh my ;s freaking lee jun ki so sexy. D: i would fucking stab somebody for his face, no kidding. i would, unless i went to jail for the rest of my life. :L his hair just falls perfectly, and ngahh, such nice skin. and no i am not homo. (:

on to my week! this morning i thought i didn't have morning class for a second cus the teacher didn't remind us, but i went early just in case and i was there 10 minutes before and i went up and nobody was there! :L tripping with my mind, haha. :D anyways, went around a bit and came back and they were there. oh oh oh, and i was on the train going to school and at chatswood some really cute asian girl in some school which wears green and for a second i thought it was fifi, haha. :L but than i was like nahhh too tall LOL. thought it might have been a ruse uniform. hmm :\ but they got on at chatswood going to city side so im guessing not so. had these cute little accessories on her hand, black band thingies on her right hand with a ring on her right hand ring finger, and had 3 bracelet/band thingies on her left hand. :L wah. i don't know why but i just couldn't get it out of my head the whole day, but it shall be gone once i blog it. (: i hadd double maths, double japanese today ;s oh but had group photos for things like basketball and peer support. aren't i the good boy, peer support leader! im likeee, hi boys :D im peer support and they think thats bullshit. D: or likee why you here cameron! EAT IT. i got a badge to prove it!
i always feel like im forgetting something, only two things i need to do is :
- hand in jindabyne note
- get harddrive off trevor. (: i want anime ! + he wants some. :L

even though i think i got addicted to dramas/anime again. try to unhook myself, haha. its so entertaining, i pause everytime i have to laugh cus the situation in it is so embarrassing. gosh. :D keeping me entertained but i still keep on thinking i forgot something. :\ should be studying? don't have exams til next term. i can study in the holidays, probably won't go out very much.

hopefully i can go out a few times if i get invited, tried to get people to watch shrek with me, or any movie! :L just want to go out, want a movie marathon or something. haha. :D everyone always has some excuse or other, given up trying to do anything, oh been out too much (-thinks why didnt you invite me D: ), got homework (-thinks why didn't you do it before huh?) and worse of all, im busy (-thinks bullshit!). ;s least make a good excuse, least when i don't want to go i tell them outright, or i am actually busy. haha.
i lost basketball yesterday! I WAS LIKE CRAPPP D: we're not going to make semi's but we scrapped in 4th place even though 5th place was 11-4 and we were 10-5 we had a higher point/play percentage, maybe because we won 120-20. :L but i think its because the 5th place had a penalty for not doing duty. lucky us ;s my year 12 friend should be playing so we might win! probably lose though. (:

make everyday a happy day, and smile cameron ! (:

fuck. :s take everything back, worth nothing at all. :\ few of my 'friends' dyed their hair, one of them red that you can't even see unless its in the sun, the other that same browny/orange everybody does except it does not suit his hair at all. actually quite disappointing to see them fawning over it.. only reason to dye your hair is to make yourself appear better or different and apparently more attractive, i guess they do need it but still. ;s i went through that phase, still in it i guess. trying to make myself look better, trying all those little things when i should be more concerned about studying but i know im not going to be. that leads me on to japanese and reminds me of how bad im doing. i do try, i really do. :\
my parents asked me if i wanted to host a japanese student, theres a 90% chance it will be a girl. theres lots of good points, bad points to this but being me i only see the negatives. the teacher said she may need one more, when i said another 'friend' offered to do it. how can you just do that? offered to me, doesn't matter though. that just ripped out any chance of me bothering. why would they take 10 year 10s and 10 year 11s. its stupid. fucking bad public school system, ruin it up. ;s was thinking if i did host someone, if its a guy we can play games if he enjoys them, if not go do stuff together, play basketball etc. on the off chance he doesn't give a shit about me and just does what he wants, thats a waste of my time for even bothering. if its a girl, it will get awkward. i am meant to be the one showing them around, teaching them stuff, my house isn't even visitor friendly, let alone my room. need to make it nicer. (: more boyish? hehh. its so plain. they would both probably sleep in the spare bedroom. thats fine enough there i guess but i dont know if id want more. get older cameron. (: on the off chance they could be hidious too, pretty hard with japanese girls though, esp in high school. they aren't fat mother fuckers like us. probably would rather go to the united states.
don't you hate watching videos of your 'friends' going out and doing things they never told you about, looking at the photos wishing you were there but wondering what you did wrong, listening to them talk about things you have no idea what its about. its troubling, but don't worry cameron. smile (: onegai~

another day, another week. (: started off quite happy today, i don't know why, was smiling and all, just sitting there in school 'learning' stuff i already knew in maths, doing nothing in chemistry, economics and english and doing a bit of japanese. :L think my happy spree started to die around economics when i started getting a bit hungry, than i got home and ate just a little too much D: not good for me, should go exercise cameron! hehh. i was really happy though (: just those little things, got a few nice new songs. :D maybe that helped a bit, got them stuck in my head since monday. was just like lalala :3 singing quietly or in my head while i walk around even though i know i can't sing haha.

i think i love my new jacket even though i haven't worn it yet. (: and days are just flying by, not really paying count. i get next thursday and friday off so i'll have a four day weekend. this day will be a four day week, next week a 3 day week and than the last week of term! :D get pumped cameron. holidays better be something special, i think for once i got invited to go out, think we're playing poker. (: hehhh :3 that should be fun. hopefully, ill get asked out other places, get some good study done, sleep well, have fun, exercise. all ready for year 12, and a new season of basketball, last season too :\ make it my best, hopefully get in a backboard pin or a dunk. :D jump highhh cameron ! flyyyy. hehh.

ooo, cameron went shopping today. :L after my brilliant dream my day was going all good (: and than my fucking manager was like cameron, get your ass to work etc. and i just raged, i didn't have work fuck him ): ruin my whole fucking day, was considering telling him that his a fat shit, but ended up not because my mum was already angry at me :\ than off i went wasted my day and than went off to macq center straight when i got home. ;s keep on moving cameron.. i went to pick out new glasses :D yay, how fobby. bahha, but no one shall ever see me wearing glasses so it doesn't matter. anyways, than on i moved to shopping! i was like, hmm macq center, just so i could go shopping, and i ended up buying a nice jacket and two plain shirts. but still! good job cameron, got my brother a nice jacket and than my dad one too. (: and than got presents for the white people in my family who came over at around 4 before i even got back.. still here now ;x and than yeahhh there we go. ;s pretty crummy day, and my day tomorrows not going to be much better. people ask me how was your long weekendd? CRAP. (: bye byes. knew i wasn't going to go out - sigh.

i just had the best dream ever. (: i would've slept in more but i probably would've forgotten it so i just had to get up and blurt down as much as i could. it lasted like so long, i don't remember most of it already :\ but actually my best dream ever.
first of all, it started with a meteor shower on the 6th of june, 2010, it was like preforecasted that after that some big change would happen and i was like with my friends for some reason and we were like 'ahhhh - love you man D: you've been a great friend ' - waits. phewwww, nothing happened. and than we were all relaxed and next thing i know its like 5 years later, and i'm in final year of university and i can't remember a thing since the 6th of june. i didn't even know, i woke up and everyone was older, and i was like huh.. - looks around with my family at the table. and like, whats going on! and than everyone was looking at me strangely, and i kept on hammering them about what happened since 6th of june, and they told me i studied my heart out and i got 94 atar, and i was so disappointed D: but it was all over, and than i kept on saying does anyone remember anything since the 6th of june, and than eventually everyone else could, but for some reason i forgot everything. i was running around saying whats the time, and no one could tell me and when i got to the computer it was 12th of june, 2015. 12:45am some other time - rewind it back to 2:45pm to get my time for some reason, haha flaw in the story again but still! than i looked in the mirror, and i was beautiful, i had the awesomest hair ever ;o almost orgasmed LOL. kiddings, haha. :D but seriously, it was so cool, too cool to describe. and than i went to live my life in chatswood, i was working at a bakery store and we made things and this is where i forgot most of it ): favourite thing was the apple pie, and than it sort of blurs, was working in a little shop down the side after that... met some people etc. omg D: NO IM FORGETTING. it was so good. -sigh
finally, for some reason i ended as a pokemon and i could kill everything really easy, hahha. think that was sort of a seperate dream though.
oh, thought id post this picture of a car i saw two weeks ago, i took off my phone. :L hehh.

happy times in chemistry!
you know those funny atom structure modelling kit thingies, yeah you might :o hahh. well we were making little creature thingies out of those and i just felt the urge to put something more personal up on my blog. (: if you don't know what i look like, here you go too!
which looks better, creature #1, #2 or me? :D what looks nicest? hahh, don't choose though seriously D:
the seat has a massive hole in it (: hehh. had a picture which showed more of my face and the whole hole, but i think ill avoid that, unless someone has a dying urge to see it..

i think im in a better mood than i've been in all week. (: i don't know why - looks at the new game downloading - D: don't disappoint me again baby girl; hahh. i tried to go shopping today but i conclude that i suck at shopping and its so tiring and uncomfortable that i give up :\ maybe some day in the holidays.. most likely not. so im stuck yay!
off to play!

like my new blogskin layout? only took me two minutes to find ;D hehh. but than i realised i had to put in all my tagboard/musicplayer etc/info/remove things. and i was like AHHHH. (: but its worth it, so much cleaner yes? made me happy. (:
got basketball today vs the other year 10 team! hoping i don't lose, feelings bit weak and off :\ don't give my chances much for doing well, hope my yr 12 friends in top shape!
hopefully, my friend shall give me his harddrive tommorrow to put some anime on so i can take his anime (: and that shall make my day tomorrow - heh. got long weekend, i think i know what ill be doing. but i think i also need to get some clothes (: hopefully won't be too indecisive!

i hit a low today D: around 2nd period, hmm... nah into 3rd period, no! half way through recess, i just stopped playing basketball and than in 3rd period maths, i felt like crap D: even sleep didn't make me feel ok, wasn't even walking straight when i went to the 'toilet' -cough. just to get some fresh air? hahh.. didnt work. than i had eco and eventually 3/4 through the lesson my friend lent me money and i went canteen and bought food and ate it than went back up when i went to the 'toilet' heh (: oh and than my friend wanted thai so i had thai , pad see ew beef and garlic chicken and than by the end of that most of my energy was back so for 5th period i was chucking ice down my friends back and squirting water with little dropper thingies.. LOL. bad description, but that was fun (; we were meant to be doing practical of course. :L
than last period was english D: continued to read the sexually explicit book 'the reader' about some 15 yr old having sex with a 36 yr old tram conductor everyday for ages, and than got my report D:
=96/154 for english adv.
=104/120 for eng ext i think it was?
or something like that.
=42/154 for maths + maths ext.
=31/76 for economics.
=21/26 for japanese continuers.
pretty much what i expected, who gives a crap about comments. they can go, oh cameron is capable etc. fuck up with the comments ahhhhh. :\ shouldn't be banned but its sort of saddening, i tried hard too. just have to try harder for next report! looking bad already, got worse in maths. D:

i've been having cravings again. :\ esp. for basketball. at the end of lunch when the lunch bell goes it hurts to watch the ball go away, i wish i could play until i drop. (: i want to get better, jump higher, fly higher so much it hurts, knowing how little time i have. things are really just crammed, im too old. just too old. ): my basketball lifes ending, soon enough ill just be an old guy. too old to play anything, watching kids grow up, bored to hell. ;s edging on me already. i want to backboard pin, lebron james style, shannon brown, anyone. D: want people to see it, acknowledge that i can do it. know that a guy my height and my age in australia shouldn't be doing that. want people to know that ): but can't do it, grab the rebound and fast break for a dunk, dunking in traffic, facial dunk. :\ one thing, if just once i would be happy.
i was so addicted i got into basketball animes even, ok . and they made me really happy. downloaded them, watch it over and over. the intensity, the school life, fuck. it actually makes me cry. can't describe it, the need. i crave for that sense of fulfillment, happiness.

just this afternoon i was considering just killing my blog, i was thinking how pointless my blog posts are, sort of time consuming and whether they actually serve any purpose whatsoever. apparently, the cbox does for random white strangers though, least they're complimenting me though. (: no arguments there - oh.
and i wanted to change my blogskin but i really don't have the effort to. (: heh. just want a plain one, cbox - and blog posts down the middle with a nice background. perhaps one time i shall have completely free time in which i am not too effortless to go do it. :L

anyways, this weekend was so-so . my friend slept over on saturday after coaching and left 4:30ish on sunday, so i've been on a low since then. (: keep on thinking, oh cameron you should go exercise, everyone else is so much more fit than you go do something about it, why you so weak cameron whyy, why not big enough. whyy D: but i really never end up doing anything about it. need some motivation cameron - (: exams are over, was pretty happy about that. almost fell asleep in coaching with the substitute chemistry teacher, just leaving me there. than i had to chew some gum to keep me awake for the rest of the time so i'd choke on it if i wasn't paying attention ? does that work :L hahh..
seeing things now, makes me regret a lot, ok , a whole fucking dam lot. its too late, i keep telling myself - but yeah. it is too late.

thanks for the formspring posts people. (: keep me entertained, but really - no need to double post :L if you strain your eyes hard enough that number says 44. - and if you strain harder you can have a look at how i organise my beautiful mozilla firefox icons.

HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL BLOG. :L i missed you baby girl - bahhha.
god those exams were mind wrenching D: i was like ahhhhh - and ahhhh -
but it was finally all over. don't think i did well, but not bad, thats what i get
for giving up a weeks of hard effort. (:
my weeks been nothing interesting, won basketball 120-20 yesterday aahha.
seriously, they were so bad... so so bad.. quit basketball not even division 3 material :L
how can you score 120 points in a game with no shot clock seriously! SOOO BAD :D
and the thing is some of them think they're good. and i was like baby baby baby -oh -smack the
ball out. LOL sorry couldn't resist. we had so you think you can do stuff this morning, which is
just a random school thing they did and they were singing justin bieber - and making lame jokes
that his a singing fetus or something...
anyways, finally free! until holidays sometime where i shall need to study for exams again , i can go out! ;DDDD play games oh how exciting, not that i will go out. maybe in holidays. (: hope so -