redemption.

There's always someone to talk to T_T
You just have to ask ^-^

still nothing to talk about. i dont like bringing attention to myself. (:

'I don't like bringing attention to myself.'

Well, that's nice and all, but a bit stupid. Do you want to be stuck in this rut of depression forever? You won't get out of it unless you talk to someone. You need to bring attention to this matter, whether that involves contacting a counsellor or a trustworthy friend. Blogging about how empty and stagnant your life is does nothing to fill in that gap, so stop waiting for someone to inject vitality into your life, go and do it yourself. It's not like you're a social outcast, you're good-looking, hard-working, a genuinely kind-hearted person - you could be living so much more of a life so appreciate and recognise what you have.

counsellors are jokes. have you ever talked to one? they say all the same stereotypical shit. you ever talked to a friend? they end up getting just as depressed and thrown into a deeper rut of depression. theres no point dragging other people into something thats a lost cause.
you think i don't try to do anything? i try everyday. i look for every opportunity there is and i take it up the best i can but im still left in the same ditch. blogging is only there to help remind me that everyday i keep trying and everyday its only getting worse. worse than high school which is saying a lot.
people who are social outcast generally put it on themselves. good looking doesn't get you anywhere in life unless your amazingly good looking... i ... cant even explain it.
even if you're hardworking, if you're not born smart you can only go so far. theres always other people whos threshold is higher than you and you can never ever beat no matter how hard you try.
and kindness doesn't get you anywhere. even if you're a nice person people don't give a shit. they can't see that. they won't talk to me because apparently i look intimidating as someone told me once.
you dont even need to tell me that. the only thing that would change how i am living now is money and thats the only thing ive come to realise. ive been through this, thought through this a million times before.

Counselling helped a friend of mine, and this friend has emotional scarring on par with yours, she was a victim to bullying at school, she has abusive parents, not to mention she is a person not easily pacified - however, she is an individual who listens to reason if she thinks it through and deems it applicable to her situation. Going to a counsellor isn't so much about making an appointment with a magician who will serve all your problems, rather it is a psychological deal insofar as the degree of trust you invest in the counsellor. Since you don't believe you can be helped, then you can't be helped. Suffice to say, your depression is all in your head.

There, you've stated it explicitly - you think of yourself as a lost cause. You say you've 'thought through this a million times before', but may I propose to you that you only think of how depressing your life is from the same old perspective. Don't you WANT to be happy? Or are you perfectly complacent with going through your life blogging 'my life is shit(ter)' day after day?

Let me put this plainly. No-one is ever the smartest, the best-looking. And you don't need to be the smartest or the best-looking to get anywhere in life. Your issue is your conception of 'anywhere in life'. You see success as flashy cars, luxury apartments, a partner who is glamorous and gorgeous and supremely more pretty and cute than any other woman. But none of these things are permanent, and as important it is to strive for security, we'd be empty and depressed if we only wanted and worked towards physical gain. The only thing which will help you is money? What happens if you can't make money for whatever reason? Are you just going to pull the blinds down and vegetate?

And what do you try, really? Can you look back on your life and say to yourself 'I tried to back away from the abyss of depression, I tried to go towards the light?' And I'm sorry to hear that you believe mankind sneers upon kindness, I don't know why we have so many charities, I don't know why lawyers do pro-bono work, I don't know why the profession of medicine exists, I don't know why 'R U OK' day exists, I don't know why I was ever interested in you as a person. You're a fool to believe a statement resting upon first impressions. You look intimidating? You look like a puppy ffs.

'You don't even need to tell me that'. Go and prove that you do appreciate things then. Start appreciating things before you lose them.

I'm not emotionally scarred. Honestly, have you ever been to a counsellor? I've been to multiple. From when I was young enough to just be able to talk. Honestly, if you're getting bullied by people at school, you're taking too much shit and you have to make people respect that you don't take that shit even if they hate you for it. If you have abusive parents, find ways to not get on their bad side and if they're still abusive. I feel sorry for you, you learn to manage your anger as you get older but. I'm not depressed at all, and if you read my previous posts, I know its all in the head but it doesn't make it any better knowing whats going on.

I've thought of it from a million perspectives too. I can't just force myself to think that what I have now satisfies me and makes my life enjoyable. Everyone wants to be happy, thats the only thing you need in life. I don't blog that my life is shit day after day, there are happy things in my life. I know it. I know certain things in my life I should be grateful for and without them it would be only harder but look, I dont see what your point is. I'm never complacent, if I was complacent then I wouldn't be posting, have you ever talked to me in real life, you wouldn't even begin to think that my life is shit and shitter day after day.

No I don't. I see success in life as having what I want in life that would make me happy, and all those things at the moment are money-related. They're not necessary in my life to be happy but it would help that's all im saying. I'm putting this just as bluntly. I don't have a flashy car, I would like a nicer car. I don't have a luxury apartment, I'd like to live by myself. I don't have a girlfriend, and if you saw the only girlfriend I ever had you wouldn't ever think she's even close to glamorous and she still didn't even put time aside to see me which is why I'm still alone. There's no need for physical gain, I'd rather have a good friend then a car anyday but good friends are hard to come by. Through high school, I only have one or two actual friends.... It's just that friends come in the least expected places and when you got one gotta keep it. I just think of a different lifestyle, a different life in general. What if I was born korean? What if I lived in Seoul? What if I didn't go to such a cockfest school? ATM, only thing that can bring light is money. I can't make money which is why I'm stuck here. I work to barely have enough money to go out and eat and I still do bad in uni.

LOL. abyss of depression into the light, that sounds metaphorical as fuck but yes, I do believe that I've tried. I go out and try and have fun but even when I'm out I still see the negative side of things and I can't help it. Kindness honestly doesn't get you anywhere, its not physically visible, you don't meet people through being kind, you meet them through having friends. You don't earn money from being kind, you become a volunteer and help African kids. I don't believe in depression, I don't believe that I'm not happy with life as it is, I'm just not satisfied with it and that is all put simply.

I don't know why you'd be interested in me as a person either. I don't believe in first impressions as I've said in previous posts but they form the basis of how people see you and if you don't even have an opportunity to make an impression, left at a standstill yes?

LOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL. I still look like a puppy even when I cut my hair? Well, someone else said it not me. I do appreciate everything I have because I know without it it'd only be worse, especially my friends because they really don't come often. Don't know what else to say.

Just have a look at your blog, entry after entry it's 'my life is shit'.

It's nice to see you standing up for once and trying to justify yourself. As for 'have you ever talked to me in real life' - I have, otherwise I wouldn't be spending my time typing out wordy replies. I'm glad you've voiced more detailed analyses about your views.

is it? from my opinion, it was more like 'i have no idea what i'm doing with my life'.

i stand up for myself every now and then, moreso for my friends because honestly theres not much to defend in myself.
i guess i have to thank you for the effort, thanks.