redemption.

fuck. :s take everything back, worth nothing at all. :\ few of my 'friends' dyed their hair, one of them red that you can't even see unless its in the sun, the other that same browny/orange everybody does except it does not suit his hair at all. actually quite disappointing to see them fawning over it.. only reason to dye your hair is to make yourself appear better or different and apparently more attractive, i guess they do need it but still. ;s i went through that phase, still in it i guess. trying to make myself look better, trying all those little things when i should be more concerned about studying but i know im not going to be. that leads me on to japanese and reminds me of how bad im doing. i do try, i really do. :\
my parents asked me if i wanted to host a japanese student, theres a 90% chance it will be a girl. theres lots of good points, bad points to this but being me i only see the negatives. the teacher said she may need one more, when i said another 'friend' offered to do it. how can you just do that? offered to me, doesn't matter though. that just ripped out any chance of me bothering. why would they take 10 year 10s and 10 year 11s. its stupid. fucking bad public school system, ruin it up. ;s was thinking if i did host someone, if its a guy we can play games if he enjoys them, if not go do stuff together, play basketball etc. on the off chance he doesn't give a shit about me and just does what he wants, thats a waste of my time for even bothering. if its a girl, it will get awkward. i am meant to be the one showing them around, teaching them stuff, my house isn't even visitor friendly, let alone my room. need to make it nicer. (: more boyish? hehh. its so plain. they would both probably sleep in the spare bedroom. thats fine enough there i guess but i dont know if id want more. get older cameron. (: on the off chance they could be hidious too, pretty hard with japanese girls though, esp in high school. they aren't fat mother fuckers like us. probably would rather go to the united states.
don't you hate watching videos of your 'friends' going out and doing things they never told you about, looking at the photos wishing you were there but wondering what you did wrong, listening to them talk about things you have no idea what its about. its troubling, but don't worry cameron. smile (: onegai~