Newest Post
Archive for April 2010
reminds me of the bball doc. of lebron from kid - now. (: potential- never give up.
theres two types of dreams: realistic dreams and unrealistic dreams. realistic ones, either short term or long term and than the unrealistic ones which you can barely imagine. im getting closer to just one of those (:
cameron's dream list:
1. [unrealistic] to play in the NBA. ever since year 7, i loved basketball, at first it was just a sport like soccer/swimming/tennis, just another sport i did but i grew up, dropped off those other sports and i dont regret a second of it. started playing in my backyard, at school, everywhere, than i moved on to watching NBA. those players are above everyone else, and in those players there are those who are above those who are already above everyone else. im not even tall enough to think about competing, if i was the height i am now and in NBA i would be one of the shortest point guards... and i can't be a point guard, i can't dribble well and ive played as a center basically every game ive ever played. :\ but look oh to be a center i have to grow another 30cm. heh. thats the only reason its unrealistic, in Australia everybodys so short, you look up to me and go hey look his a giant, no yao ming is a giant, everyone else your just short. thats one reason why i considered going to an american university just once, to be able to play the game at that elevated level, but i doubt i could even get into a college team there, i couldnt even make it into U18 reps, not even div 2.. thats as far as i go. people keep on going, hey are you that tall guy which is good at basketball? i am neither. get that into your head, good compared to your crappy friends which only play basketball to try to show off? tsch. i am dead serious about it.
2. [realistic] i want to be able to dunk in a basketball game. i am.. so close yet so far. every year i keep on saying, ill be able to dunk by the end of the year, end of the year. i don't have many years left, well probably less than 1 but i will work hard, never give up to i can get there, just watching NBA helps me improve, sure people might think otherwise but ... i love it ok. ;s
3. [realistic] a lebron james chase down block. everyone who reads this will probably not even care about the last three points i've said let alone know what im talking about, but thats what i think about everyday, everyday im on the court, everyday i look up at that 10 ft ring trying to reach higher and higher. (:
4. [-] theres this thing called marriage, i don't know who came up with it, why it needs to be but thats how society operates today.. so one day i want to marry someone.. just one day, everyone does. this is the most improbable realistic thing for me at the moment. im not confident in almost everything i do, im not good with people let alone girls, and im just hoping, that i can change enough by university to meet someone who i can spend the rest of my life with. that is if the world doesn't roll over into some new age where everythings different but you never know ;x
yeah well.. thats the only really important goals/dreams/aim whatever you want to call it right now. and ill work to those, little by little.
--> from this point on, i shall forget all negatives behind me and move forward. (: thats my resolve.
do you like anybody? .. not really. did you brush your teeth? .. yes, mum. did you practice piano? do your homework? do you trust me? this world is full of lies.
i know i came to a realization this night and im out of tears. im a different person, not the same person i was yesterday, not the same person i was last year, not the same person. im different, constantly changing.
my brother is my only true friend, i can rely on him whenever, although we may fight at times he's there for me to help me go through, and im there for him. you may be thinking oh look at this fucking pussy, but i do not care not one little bit. ive lost friends over the years and none of them could put up to me, never been close enough to anyone to call them my best friend, that words chucked around a lot when your young, whos your best friend? another lie.
this afternoon i went to my grandmothers for dinner, and my mum started complaining about things, us being disrespectful, and inparticular my brother even though he didn't say a word back and i did. i couldn't take it. but than over dinner, we ate, and my brother went out. at dessert my mum started talking about how 'ungrateful' my brother is, how terrible he is to the point that my brother was going to leave the house. its the hardest moment in my life since high school, my heads still not wrapped around whats happening after my holiday, i still don't know whats going on, but i can't lose my brother not after all this. and i .. got him to come back. if he left , it would never be the same, i couldnt take that.
i sat at the front gate for hours, possums fluttered in the treetops, cars went by under the moon, just thinking while i just cried. once again, i dont care what you think but i have to say this. i prayed. no i am not a christian but i do believe there is something.. i saw a korean family walking happily down the road hand in hand, and they came back after sometime. things will be alright, but i always have to face myself with questions.
who am i? i think about it everyday as i take off my contacts and stare into that mirror.. a 16 year old boy called cameron from north sydney boys? or just another person in this world.
even contemplated what this is, is any of it real? it could all just be nothing, of nothing.
but there is one thing i am sure of, the only person who i can understand is my brother, i look at everyone else, my mum, my father and i dont know what they're thinking, my friends, teachers, everyone. i still love my parents, they are who they are, they've sacrificed for us, in year 6 for my selective test, who do you aspire to? i wrote about my mother. a typical answer, but it was the truth. and look where i am, she tries and despite these hardships i know she loves us and she just wants us to be the best we can. thats family for you, and only now do i realise i value it more than any friendship because they stick with me and they won't give up on me, and i won't ever give up again.
i've been getting annoyed by lots of little things so i think i'll make a hate list (: it could go on forever but ill just make this one pretty long :L
cameron's hate list (:
1. i hate it when i get left out of things D: sure, sometimes i might not always want to come but at least ask me don't just assume that everytime! and its even worse if you forget about me on purpose, but than i guess its not forgetting :L
2. when people who aren't really depressed/sad say they are over some fucking stupid reason, it really pisses me off, and when i look at the person i just want to punch them in the face. (: but if i do that my stupid school will suspend me because its zero tolerance to violence, even if someone punches me in the face, ill get suspended if i punch him back. freaking bullshit D: sure its ok to get depressed over doing bad in tests, but if you didnt study for them? shut the fuck up. don't complain about it if you didnt try you only get the mark you can get from the amount of effort you put into it.
3. people which smile all the time, or laugh something off when they do something stupid. its even worse when they have a really stupid laugh. gosh, i feel so violent today. :L
4. when people ask me what sort of music i listen to , or what sort of anime i watch, thats private stuff ok? and for some reason, i dislike people watching/listening to the same things as me. that is private stuff ok? go find your own ones, sure if i like something and i feel like sharing it with you, i will but dont go dissing anything i do, i like it, you think its lame ? well i dont care.
5. i dont care about anzac day, im getting angry at more teachers everyday.. my japanese teacher is ok, but im just bad at jap anymore its getting less fun, i cant remember all these things and im not willing to put in 2 hours a day to remember it and even if i did, i dont reckon i could do it properly. theres always a limit like - you do this much and you'll get the best out of the time you put in, anymore time than that and it won't help you much, maybe 1 mark but its better spent doing something else at this stage. okkk, back on to stupid teachers. in the first week of schools teachers have called me depressed, strange, disturbing and rude. the economics teacher pissed me off the most, he doesnt even teach and he thinks he can talk to me like that? gosh. i swear one day im going to just tell him everyone knows he cant teach, all he does it talk about his weekend and we have to waste all our free time studying this subject because of his incompetence. and chuck in a few big words in there to make it sound better (: im terrible at english so id have to prepare a rage speech ahaha. :L
6. being called white, gwai lou or any other form like that. first of all, i dont even like white people, you know when your little kids you dont even look at people for their races, well for me it didnt carry over to when im older, in general for white people 90% of them are assholes and i dont want to know them, asians most of them got issues but i feel more comfortable around them and black people ... gosh. i love the black people, not love love but love them. (: i use to be scared of them, but now i respect them, esp. ones which play basketball. you know when your little you have a role model etc. :L mines lebron james/dwight howard just if anyone cared.
currys/brown people, im sorry, i dont like you at all, only reason ill talk to you is if i have to, and id rather just be somewhere else 85% of the time. for girls, i think im only attracted to asians ;o maybe very very few white people and thats about it. D: i just can't link with white people... its like we're worlds apart, gosh that sounds like some corny line from something. but its in a different context so its ok.
7. not being able to play basketball at morning/recess in the gym because the teachers won't let us cus some stupid kid got themselves hurt, fuck up let me play. im not some idiot and its more dangerous outside on the concrete, you dont supervise us there so why do you care if we dont have supervision inside, lol supervision looks funny written. maybe i spelt it wrong. i should petition to the src to let us play on morning/recess its wasting a lot of my free time. D: i love basketball, i hated how my games got cut down to 1 a week... i wasn't even satisfied with 3 games a week, 1 is just painful. least now i have fridays free, not that theres anyone who would go out with me or i want to go out with them to do something. ;s bleurgh.
8. being judged over stupid things, oh look your from nsb, your smart. ok once as a joke, but over and over? i'm not that smart, sure i was smart enough to get in year 6, beating all those stupid white guys because i went to coaching and i didnt have many friends, and i still dont gosh . not any close ones, i had one close friend and yeah he was white, but he went to vietnam for 2 and a bit years and than came back and moved away... its amazing how things change overtime.
9. people making fun of how i look D: alright, i know im not freaking that guy who attracts everybody... uhh oh yeah cassanova, and his white :L yucky. D: i like my hair the way it is, well i don't like it :\ but i can make it nicer if i put into effort, but i still think bad of myself a lot. im very self conscious ok, and im pretty shy. D: get over it , i dont like the beach because of it and i dont go out much either dont meet many people dont do lots of things OK. im trying to move past that :x this is like my realisation point after coming back from greece/turkey/dubai i had a lot of time to think about all these things.
10. body hair. its disgusting, i have hair all over my body and its disgusting, least its not as bad as lot of other people but i still hate it. why the hell is our body designed to be so hairy... we aren't monkeys... and thats a rhetorical questions. how am i meant to know, do you want me to actually answer questions like that? why am i so cold... uhh because you dont have a jacket on? im bored.. what do you expect me to do about it, im not a fucking clown and even if i was i probably couldnt entertain you. D:
yeah, well i have to go to my grandparents now for dinner for some celebration. my list ends there for now (: don't hate me for hating, you didn't have to read it, i just had to put it down for some reason, blogs are like... you want people to read it but you sort of dont. you know what i mean? hah, probably not. why did i even ask. lala. another why question. _ off to waste the rest of my long weekend now.
(: one exam to go. i think i did good ;s despite little study, im still in that mood where i dont know whats going in, not responding properly to things, and im not even tired even though i woke up at 12:30am... ngah.
well.. first thing i hear is hey hey hey hey cameron.. i saw someone just like you at -some place i wasn't listening - blah blah blah pro blah blah blah has the hottest girlfriend blah blah ask -a guy whos name i dont know - . and he kept on bugging me and he got his friend and his like ;o doesnt he sound like him too... dam :\ wouldnt that be nice. heh. :3 pity i wasn't i just got fucked over in greece/turkey/dubai all holidays. gosh, i spammed it up, i dont think ill put anymore photos. im tempted to just delete them all. ;s isnt that a nice idea. i will :\ very very soon? hah. no rush.
for the four hours i was lying in my bed, for some reason i kept on singing colours of the wind from pocahontas.. :\ dam. i loved all those disney movies i watched on the plane. best part of the trip?
ok. (: i have time now since i've been up since 12:30am and i can't fall back asleep so i just came down to blog my holiday and put up a couple of pictures so people can stop bugging me ;D actually... they take too long for blogger. so i'll put them up on facebook :\ maybe. bah, i dont want to put pictures up of my face on facebook but whatever, let alone with my hair not all nicely done and me not tidied up :L
alright ~ first couple of days i was in dubai, it was pretty civilised ;o they had like a huge airport, at first i was like, oh shit i can't swear or do anything bad or ill get fucking put in jail for the rest of my life but it wasn't that bad, only had to be good when there were scary people around. there were a lot of muslims and they were pretty dam scary ;o all dressed up in their thingies and praying at 5am in the morning to wake me up everyday. (: how nice of them :L well i went to all the famous places, like that $3000+ a night hotel near the beach, the market places etc etc. they had a few nice malls, the indoor ski was pretty cool. the malls were huge, bigger than here and they had nice escalators and stuff, and even a guy in the elevator when your going up :L think the one near my hotel was 6 stories high. oh damn ;D the apartment was oh so nice. like 10 rooms, and 3 toilets , kitchen and 4000 something channels on the tv. oh so happy :3 i loved that room. but they dont let you put toilet paper in the toilet... screwed up indians/arabs. most were indian (: and just so you know, the worst part for this whole trip was i didn't see any asians... well close to none, none in the towns, only ugly, hairy, fat white people. D: with monobrows. oh so terrible.
than i flew 4 hrs to istanbul. ;x not a very nice place, the first night the apartment was overbooked so we had to stay in some shitty hotel which they said was 4 star but was so crap i almost cried a little bit. ;s seriously... that was the first day i wanted to get the fuck out of there asap. D: so so bad. the place was dirty but it only got worse, istanbul... went to a few mosques, palaces, marketplaces etc. the place isn't civilised they didnt have any shopping malls and most of the stuff i was pretty sure was fake. the food was fattening which is why i gained 1kg this holidays and now im unfit so i cant play basketball properly and ahhh. D: im so troubled, i cant believe im back in australia, everythings too fast for me at the moment. maybe thats why i cant sleep. ;s yeah :\
next got a car and we drove to gallipolli and some town where they had the troy replica used in movie and another replica. gallipolli they just had quite a few cemeteries and nothing much, a few stands for anzac day ceremonies etc etc. (: oh there were turkish people playing basketball and i was laughing at them hard. they thought they were so good :L not that i can talk but their turkish. cmon. ahha.
went over to troy the next day, didnt even bother going in. everyone said it was fake and crap, just a few rocks to see and the wooden horse you could see from outside, it was about 8m tall or so... nothing impressive they wanted $15 to go in per person so we were like fuck that. all those places wanted $15 per person to go in, overpriced bits of shit. went to about 6-7 of those places though, lots of ruins D: ephesus etc. ill talk about those if i remember along this holiday blog... oh so fun. i got hours its ok. (: dont need to get rdy for school til 6:30am. the apartment in istanbul was nice after we got there for 3 nights, they had an nba channel and that revitalised my spirits but made me hungry for basketball ;s oh so hungry. :L
next was a place called bergama where they had an acropolis and i was pretty pissed by that point though.. and i think my parents were dissing me.. cant remember, probably telling me how i have a terrible attitude and im never going to find a nice smart girl to marry etc etc. :\ and it hurts more when its the truth blah blah. ok the acropolis was the first time i was like whoa.. getting better, i sort of .. jumped the gates cus i was pissed, saved $15 though ;x anyways .. the coolest things were the huge theatres. they have huge steps like 50-100 rows. like a colliseum thingy i think thats how you spell it but yeah! it was huge. i was impressed, the rest of the temple ruins looked pretty fake ;s but still it wasnt too bad - the people. oh stayed the night... uhh i cant remember where, i think i went to parmakkule next. oh wait.. kusadasai for one night. oh wait.. fuck i think theres some place near ephesus in here. i dont know why its not here... oh wait that was near kusadasai my bad. :L
kusadasai was a tourist town (: pretty nice, and the guy in the hotel was called mr. happy ahhaha. :) smiley face. nah he was actually quite happy and they were really friendly , nice and ... i sort of miss it actually. that town wasnt too bad because it was all neatened up. they had a nice little castle which you could walk in for free! ;D freeeeee, thats not asian (: well it was really nice, and had a nice view. the room had 2 rooms too- i think i played around too much. fell asleep at 6-7pm for all the nights up until the 2nd or 3rd night in kusadasai. the psycological thing of thinking that coke helps me stay up worked after that. ;D
ok went to ephesus on one of the days in kusadasai, its meant to be one of the top places in turkey.. but it was just another crappy ruin, the acropolis was even better. the best one was in greece though ill talk about that later :L there were asians though and some little turkish girls kept on pointing at me (about yr 7) ... god -shivers.. the asians pumped me up . god i miss asian people (: they were all in their tours. hehh . but the place wasnt that nice it was just famous ok overcrowded and lots of school kids.
ok parmakkule, it was in the middle of no where and we drove through some 3rd world country villages while we were going there but eventually got there where they had some giant hill which looks like a snowy mountain but its actually the rock is just white and it had some ruins on there. it was pretty nice, got yelled at for walking on the rock and the cute little ponds they had because you werent meant to get on it but still . :L sort of pissed me off how they poured sewerage over half of it so its like stained yellow... yuck. well the ruins werent nice there, they had a theatre. (: pretty big one but i swear that day i walked far... up these hills here, and when i finally got the top i jumped around waving my arms . heh. im a big boy - king of the mountain! ;D anyways stayed the night at some hotel place than moved on.
back to kusadasai for one night before catching a ferry to greece (samos) or something. ;s when i got there i was like oh, greece will be much bette than turkey... i take that back, it was 2x worse than turkey, which was 10x worse than dubai which i didnt really like. i missed home a lot, but now that im here im still lost. :L once exams are over ill be good. got exams in a couple of hours ;o oh shit. hah, nah i dont need to study, it wont help me. i know most of it.. i hope. :\
ok. samos was the fucking shit. the people weren't nice, not helpful and pretty much how i described them before but also mean. they even fucking smoke indoors next to the no smoking signs which pissed me off. these two fat girls with the fucking ugliest faces ive seen in a while were smoking and i got so pissed i just told them to fuck off you stupid fucking ugly bitchs. D: not that they could understand me, but i hoped they could. i got annoyed for a bit after that and my parents started talking about the same stuff blah blah. ;s had icecream and i was a bit better, i had to seriously start studying from then, so i did a hour or two a night. oh . yes that is pretty serious, but i was sure i knew most of the stuff! even economics, i learnt the term course in 3 hours. hope i dont fail :\ its mostly common sense stuff. ok samos the hotel was fucking smoked up the receptionist was smoking the fucking faggot, but the room wasnt too bad. there was graffiti everywhere.. but damn, athens is even worse. EVERYWHERE in athens, graffiti and black people ;D that sort of made me feel better despite the crappyness of everything. oh and i stayed on a beach for about an hour or two in some nice spot.. trying to throw rocks at some bottle in the middle of the water. that was quite fun, and the place sort of reminded me of the eden place in the couples retreat. god i loved that movie, i watched it on the plane. i so want to live in a place like that. -happy shiver. ;s heh. i get that happy shiver tingly feeling when theres something happy. ;x its just.. uhh familiar? dont worry - forget i said that -
ok caught a plane to athens, was about 45 minutes, had to get up at 3am to catch it ;s but took 2 hours to get to the bloody hotel. fucking guy gave us the wrong directions and than when we got there it was in some bloody shit hole, not that the whole place isnt a shit hole... people kept on giving us wrong directions in greece, in samos the guy was like ohhhh only 50m that way - walks freaking 500m + i just decided x10 to anything they say..
the guy at athens said oh, the square ( which was about 10min away from our place where the apartment guy was meeting us ) its 10min that way... it was 15 min by a freaking tram you dipshit. fucking hell, walked for about an hour with huge luggage that day :\ but when i got there the apartment stank of smoke and that annoyed me even more but it was ok. found someplace to eat because i was starving D: so bad. starving.. mm im sort of hungry now heh, but ! yeah i was starving. well athens wasn't too bad, the attractions anyway, the place was crap. there was graffiti everywhere, nothing modern all crappy houses all graffiti'd, people pissing on the street and shit smothered across the pathway in some places.. and all these nigerians selling fake louis vuitton bags and d&g and gucci etc. and running away when police came, they put their things on a white mat so they could grab it and run it was actually quite interesting watching it (: anyways.. went to their acropolis/panthenon which had a lot of people again and asians. ;D i actually love asians, i will never marry a white/black person i swear. if i do find someone eventually they have to be asian :\ next id go is white.. but they'd have to be pretty asianly awesome ;o no meditteranian (i spelt that wrong) hairy oruayc yucky... reminds me of the girl with a little beard on her chin my brother pointed out to me. that was hilariously gross. heh :3 anyways the panthenon was quite good, and the other places werent too bad, i stayed for 3 nights.. finally got around the public transport because we didnt have a car anymore :\ the trams etc were so crowded and people kept on touching me and pissing me off D: but im out of there! just talking about the airport now :\ im pretty sure ive missed a few things but yeahh its ok.
the airport! this was the best part of the whole trip, going home.. but now im here im not so sure what im doing. im actually seriously lost in the head. ill get used to it again soon enough though. hah. ive been typing for 40 minutes. gosh. (: well went to dubai airport first, well FIRST the first plane was at 4pm greek time so.. 11pm sydney time and i woke up at 8am greek time so... 3pm australian time and than after i landed at 1opm sydney time and didnt go to bed til 12pm (the next day) so i stayed up for ... 32 hours. how nice, i think i fell asleep for an hour on the plane though. :\ i felt sick after it so i cant remember. threw up.. god. -bad shiver ahha.
well dubai airport was nice. (: they had big shops, stayed there for 4 hours passing time by walking around a bit, it was much better than the greece airport. they didnt even have food inside athens airport.. shit ass place D: the guy gave us wrong directions and we had to go out from passport control to get food again blah blah. i couldnt get my seats booked on that flight so we were in the middle row and it wasnt so nice.. etc etc. OK dubai airport was fun, i just passed more time by watching stuff on the laptop i think i did that a bit too much this holidays.. i was so grateful when i got home and saw my giant computer screen. its 4x the size of the laptop screen. (: oh so happy. i think its happiness. i should sleep ;o ive been up since 12:30 ... god who cares ill just stay up and sleep at 9:30! proper time no more.. 9 - 12:30 shit. D: thats 3 hours sleep, i hope i dont fuck up my exams over it.
oh .. dubai had this floor where i kept on electric static shocking my brother and dad and mum ahha. that was funny. got on the plane, these ugly kids and fat people pissed me off cus i was on the aisle seat. i think i spelt that wrong too ;s anyways! .. yup got home caught a taxi etc. back and im just happy ok. if anyone bothered to read all the way down here i congratulate you. (: add me on facebook if you dont have me, i might post pictures if i get the confidence to post a picture of myself on facebook for the first time. oh damn ;x confidence hah. i want to play basketball... oks. thats all! 50 minutes of typing. i want to see how many words this is (: 2634~ thats like a essay. BYE (:
yeahh. :\ dubai really isn't that good. its filled with more indians than Australia, theres basically no asians and people don't wear normal clothes. 99% wearing clothes which you cover their shoulders and legs, and also all those people wearing full robe thins. look like sultans, but also those scary women with only eyes showing, im scared they'll shank me.
i just want to get out of here get home.
people keep on saying, ohhh lucky cameron (: have fun ~
do you really mean it? i'm not going to have fun, i don't like these countries because i don't like the people/atmosphere and hows it lucky? i'd much rather stay with my asian friends who can at least speak english and aren't intimidating. >>"
bah.
i'm adjusted to jetlag already? :L woke up at 3am, and i think its 3am sydney time now. good stuff (: schools finished for you all ~ now thats fun... watching a movie, go ice skating or bum anywhere, either way thats fun. ;s
why would i want this 10 room dubai hotel room, why do i even need 3 bathrooms for 4 people. ^o) - thinks of my house, i have 4 :L but still... well, i can't play basketball. D:
can't play pokemon on DS because it keeps on freezing D:
can't think of anything else to do
but i'm coping? :L i just think of someone back home everytime and it makes it all ok ~
oh oh, i have a screenshot of my little blog counter thingy which says united arab emirates ahha. :3 good stuff. i'll put them all together when i get home ~ im not going on msn/facebook. don't want people going, oh having fun? hows your holidays? i don't want to waste my time responding to all of them when they probably don't really care, they just using me as a way to cure their boredom... anyways, i won't be on til around 3am because thats after dinner for this places time, im going istanbul in a couple of days. can't wait. (:
i just want to get out of here get home.
people keep on saying, ohhh lucky cameron (: have fun ~
do you really mean it? i'm not going to have fun, i don't like these countries because i don't like the people/atmosphere and hows it lucky? i'd much rather stay with my asian friends who can at least speak english and aren't intimidating. >>"
bah.
i'm adjusted to jetlag already? :L woke up at 3am, and i think its 3am sydney time now. good stuff (: schools finished for you all ~ now thats fun... watching a movie, go ice skating or bum anywhere, either way thats fun. ;s
why would i want this 10 room dubai hotel room, why do i even need 3 bathrooms for 4 people. ^o) - thinks of my house, i have 4 :L but still... well, i can't play basketball. D:
can't play pokemon on DS because it keeps on freezing D:
can't think of anything else to do
but i'm coping? :L i just think of someone back home everytime and it makes it all ok ~
oh oh, i have a screenshot of my little blog counter thingy which says united arab emirates ahha. :3 good stuff. i'll put them all together when i get home ~ im not going on msn/facebook. don't want people going, oh having fun? hows your holidays? i don't want to waste my time responding to all of them when they probably don't really care, they just using me as a way to cure their boredom... anyways, i won't be on til around 3am because thats after dinner for this places time, im going istanbul in a couple of days. can't wait. (:
