redemption.

how am i meant to keep going feeling like this. im hurting so so so so bad and i can't even tell anyone. it hurts so much and i cant deal with it... im barely making it through with a straight face each day. i cant even stop. the second i stop doing something is when i break down. i have to force myself to be busy but theres always times when im alone. shower. before i sleep. just sitting in my room. i really keep hoping up that ill wake up like its one really really bad dream, i dont know how i became like this... i dont know which is reality and i feel like im living a lie. theres nothing positive in my life and im just one big negative. theres nothing good left. TELL ME HOW AM I MEANT TO KEEP GOING. HOW. HOW. HOW.... HOWWWWW rhiaeghiufeuhu fuck.

i am holding everything in. im not even a bottled up soft drink waiting to explode. im just swallowing it all into nothingness. i cant express myself and every good feeling that was left in my life has really vanished. i want to live in memories. i want to disappear into a real dream.. someone tell me how i am meant to keep going like this where theres nothing for me... how...