redemption.

looking around, looking forward, looking back still. sometimes i think i get too emotional over things, not even proper things. seeing couples actually hurts... seeing pretty people ... etc etc. i dont get why either. sometimes it makes my heart race and all but then at the end of the day im just tired of everything.

every perspective i look at things there is no positive outcome so its just hard to keep a positive attitude in life even though i try my best. keep a smile on my face, hoping people dont notice its fake sometimes. i mean, there are happy moments but everything is just too temporary. vanishes in a moment for me.
for one, the most depressing thought i had today on the train ride home alone was that there really isn't anyone for me. i actually passed through high school without much social interaction, i kept my mind on study, sport and videogames. and now im passing through uni with my mind on nothing. i do study but it doesn't consume me, i play sport but its not as passionate and i play videogames to consume the rest of the time. i work to earn money and eat. everything just seems so pointless and when you're an insomniac like me and alone at 4-5am in the morning, it only makes everything seem that much more pointless.