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Archive for May 2011
everybodys thought at sometime in their life. wish i could turn my life on replay, on rewind, on fast forward. wish life was easy like that.
just sitting in school, wishing i could turn it on rewind, what would life be like if i didn't go to north sydney boys. if i went to a co-ed school, if i was a girl. HAHA. (N) but yeah, i wonder about it. but in reality, even if i want it, its not possible for me. :s impossible!
so keep on writing essays on speeches that nobody cares about, and get a good atar mark cameron. (:
strangers again. if you've seen it, all of it may not reign true but certain aspects do. once again i've been thinking as i usually do about things. how friends just come in and out of your life. i think about it, and the closest friends i have now, most of them i haven't even known for a year. its really sad actually. :\ but its also happy yeah. someone can go from a complete stranger, to an integral part of your life in a matter of days. (:
id like to see one person which can tell me honestly that they have never missed someone who use to be an everyday of their life, someone who use to make their day, and look at it now. myself, other people i assume you look back and can you remember every single one of those people off the top of your head, all the memories you've had with them, no they sort of blur. and once again, they're right, you're strangers again.
and for once in my life, im longing to study just to get away from the fucked up life that is school.
one moment. everything feels so real. second moment, its blown away by reality. third moment. you're standing in the distance. last moment. you realise you're far far away.
people are amazing, i can't even begin to comprehend where people get their motivation from, their talents, everything. example, you look at an actual celebrity, thousands, millions of people seen them, know them, love them. and in reality, they're no older than i am. now me, i look at myself, and somebody i met five times can't even remember my name. makes you wonder what you've worked so hard for, what you've lived for, and sometimes makes me think, fuck life.
i think i've watched the go away mv over and over again since my friend linked me to something than somehow i got back to that mv. mightve been after watching lonely mv :D something about CL still takes me away. whether her hairs that perfect shade of blonde, or black. -ngah. ♥somebody asked me yesterday, why don't you like white chicks and linked me to a picture of some tanned white 14 year old in a bikini... um no. :s thats not even attractive for some reason. i can't explain it by my answer is right there. when i see a gorgeous asian, something about it just makes me happy :D i still don't know how to put it in words.
let me tell you a lovely story my friend told me today to break up anything too personal HAHA. um, well he was at macquarie library the other day, and he had to go toilet and there were these two girls lying across the corridor and he was like excuse me, and as he went to jump over their legs, he farted in one of their faces. LOL. and he looked back and she like had a funny face and he just legged it. omg, so embarassing. :L
its strange, sad yet wonderful how people can just pop in and out of your life. you think about it, look back through the years, how many friends you have had, lost, gained, lost again, seen, never seen.. sometimes theres just some people i know im not like, cant ever be close friends or friends sometimes. sometimes. urgh. but thats life, it brings happiness and sadness.
you know something else funny, today i had my interview and yes, they did make me feel fucking stupid, my atar estimate is low 80s. what can i say, thats just the extent of my intelligence. IQ doesn't mean shit. :\ school is a different life skill. well, in the interview i wrote like an essay, the teacher even called it an essay LOL but he was like, you're able to articulate your words very well. im like ._. thanks sir. i won't go further but yeah, story of my life.
hm. theres something about certain things just make me happy, but the most of those other things even things which are meant to be happy just make me down. whether i show it, or whether i break through it with my typical cliche words have been turned into double puns, 'don't worry.' sometimes its because i don't want to tell them, sometimes its because they're just too difficult to tell, sometimes its just because they don't even remotely understand. but what can you do?
in the end, its all the same thing, excuses. sometimes i try to deal with those insecurities, sometimes little things such as somebody saying they recognised me, or saw me someplace, someone who actually wants to talk with me, a genuine compliment, even seeing somebody whos stunning. it makes the world all seem more real, and reinforces that im just another small part of it, waiting to fit into that trend. the world seems so small yet so large and yet i still can't admit that i want things that other people have, jealousy gets the best of me once again. (:
love maribelle anes's songs. :s make me happy. going boombox on sunday hopefully.
ALSO, my new formspring background/desktop background makes me happy too. yay. :D
