redemption.

how come i can never be content with what i have. is it the same for everyone? i always want more. i get envious/jealous of all these things, and i hate myself for it. why do i want that, is it because i don't want somebody else to have it and i don't even truly desire that. greed is a sin and therefore must resist its temptations. agree? [:


my life, my future. ive been forced to keep on looking forward no matter how much i try to resist it once again. i have to do well at school, but does that mean i have to sacrifice my youth for it? my grandfather was abusing my mum saying shes a bad parent for letting me go out. is it a crime to have friends? i don't want to be some closed-closet guy who has to resort to asking his father's client's white daughter out with him to the year 12 formal like my cousin, even if it does get me 99.75. which i know it wouldn't. im not that naturally talented, im not that hardworking and im just.. average. is it wrong to want more? is it wrong to sit here questioning all this random things around in my head which i can't even pick out for whats right and wrong? but for now i know i want one thing. i want to enjoy my summer holidays with my friends, if that earns me $5k less a year, than so be it. its a sacrifice im willing to make, i don't need tonnes of money to be happy, enough is enough. [:

standing ovation for the biggest T trek EVER,
~to sehan, patrick and jitae. NEVER AGAIN :D

i just got asked if im depressed by a person i only just met because i reminded them of someone else who. :\ ANYWAYS. its a joyful day. ahha. im so funny.


i was thinking a bit more about insignificance in the world, no! i don't just sit around thinking about this sort of stuff... most of the time, haha. someone said something that brought it up to me, and ive been thinking you know. metaphorically speaking, my heart is seeking change. because of course your heart is just an organ, blah blah blah. but yeah, not like seeking out change like you want something different, but sometimes different isn't always better. i thought about it because i had a dream last night, can't remember it at all except that i was in a new house and that got me thinking about it even more. ive been so tense lately, i can feel it in my shoulders, my head, its just all cramped up. i have to seek those inner desires and be able to be happier. happiness is what you strive for in life, what i strive for in life, its different for different people i guess but i need to feel that sense of satisfaction. (:

oh my god. [: hehe. i have to post this music video. i was watching it last week but i just rewatched it again.



and oh my god, his eyes are so pretty. i know his probably wearing contact lenses but i want them if they make my eyes that pretty. hehe. how cute.

ever realised your insignificance in this world? you look around you, one person, the world almost 6.9 billion. put that into a calculator, that gives you 0.000000000145% thats how much of the world you make up and thats only with humans. you take into account everything else... and god, it just makes everything so insignificant. do you ever want more? something different than the average individual? will getting 99.95 atar help that. my cousin got 99.75 atar today, and im looking at a 90ish atar at the rate im going if i work hard, its pathetic. :\

im lost at how to look at things, do i look at them theoretically, philosophically, from a religious point of view? i just don't know anymore. but sometimes theres that one moment or one individual that defines a person. one moment.

when your left with nothing to do, blog it up [:
i was just thinking about something i said a couple of blogs ago, isnt it a bitch seeing friends talk about something your not invited to. heartbreaking
my highlight of the day was this comment from some randoms, i didn't even see them but i heard it :
wife to husband: would that serve his complexion?
husband: what pasty?
i almost laughed!
but i found it not as amusing because the other day some indian kid walking past, just another year seven, and i was like... ' whoa whoa whoa... your indian.' and he was said 'well, your pasty.' ouch. D: im even getting owned by year sevens now. i hope next year the year sevens don't trash talk me like that. otherwise id be feeling even shitter. when people say life is shit, what does it mean? fucking overall factors okay, when your a school student theres only three things you care about:
-academic
-family
-friends
and i just cant get over how annoying it is about this stupid moth running into my window. how stupid can you be...
anyways, academic can be split off into peer pressure, academic goals etc. you go family you have extended as well, and financial in a circumstance. and than friends can also be relationships in a sense, or social life. whatever you like to put it. when your fucked in all three, than you have the right to say life is shit. (:


you know whats sad, when people say they're bored and your expected to do something about it. whats even sadder is im consciously thinking that and not wanting to say it because i dont expect people to do something about it, well subconsciously i probably do, thats another sad thing, anyways that makes it sad overall! :\

people are forced to resort to luck, wishes in a sense. 11:11, shooting stars. again sadly, im one of those people. holding on to that little bit of false hope but hey, if it makes me that little bit happier, or gives me a sense of satisfaction, than its a good thing. but if it doesn't because im thinking that it won't ever come true, than im not sure if its a good or bad thing. x) okay, im gonna end this before i start writing about things id rather not write about.

people overcome lots of adversity in life and define themselves by defeating those adversities, but sometimes its just hard to accept [:
for example,

• you're getting old
• you're not going to see them again
• you cant be friends anymore
• you cant do it
• you're not how you wanted to be

english is a strange language. one sentence can be taken so many different ways, theres a beauty to that. today i was sitting in english class with four other people as everyone was practicing getting awards for presentation day tomorrow and this one kid just starts argueing with the teachers about those things i talk about when my mind starts blanking, its nice to see other people do it for once. they started talking about wikileaks with their differing opinions which sounded so much better than my arguements when im talking about random shit like that :L

look up, is it a bird, is it a plane? oh no thats lame. (: harharhar... by the way, thats a sarcastic laugh for those who can't understand my brilliant 140+wpm typing skills. i guess that has more to do with english, people always bring up random comebacks etc which have nothing to do with what you just insulted them with, anyone realise that!