redemption.

i don't know what i've been doing these holidays, i just wake up whenever get whatever has to be done done and than my mind just wanders off but sometimes theres these times when i just wonder.. what the hell am i doing? am i wasting time? just sitting here. mm. :/

i don't know why i try hard for anything, its not like anyones ever going to recognize anything i do. i tried hard in basketball, look where it got me, kicked out of my basketball team, i'm not going anywhere with it, there goes that idea.
i like piano yeah, even though im not very good at it, but im forced to play these songs i don't even like? you expect me to try for those too. even when i do i can never get an A, im hopeless.
school? don't even try there. social life? tsch. im not good at anything, just screwed over. going for my L's next week better not screw that up too.
theres times when you are meant to put in your hardest, and not give up, but sometimes you just have to give up no matter how hard you try its not going to help given the time you have? sometimes i wish life was a bit different , the best years of your life are meant to be your youth, but ive already wasted that, not going to do anything these holidays i know it and than yr 11, 12, uni, work, retire, die. thats the plan.. pretty sad isnt it. (:

mendokusai.