redemption.

im feeling really down and out of it today. i don't know whether it's the studying, lack or too much of this or that... i really don't know i keep trying to think clearly but everythings blurry to me at the moment. i know where i'm going in life and i'm happy with where i'm going but in this moment and everything around me in this moment feels empty and i feel like im going to break down if im not careful. not openly just alone at home late at night when nobody is around to care.

this last year ive changed a lot in a good way. last year i was at the stage where i didnt care about my life and was trying to find a reason but ended up following the stereotypes of what seemed to make people happy but it didnt. the only thing i miss is spending time with my friends with less cares than i have now.
as this year progressed, ive been going gym 5-6 days a week which is the only real progress or habit that has kept me going through this otherwise i think i would lose it. im really weak and i feel like all my close friends who i could talk openly and feel relaxed with have disappeared around me. ive made different good friends but that same type of friendship isn't there. there is no one around me in reality and nobody talks to me unless theres a reason and right now in this moment i just feel so weak and alone. i'll get by, maybe its exams :)