redemption.

i always seem to keep trying. i tell myself never to give up but in my head i really dont care for many things i just keep telling myself that i care when i really dont but its come to the point that i do care about some things. one is my girlfriend at the moment. at first i didnt think it would last. then i kept trying. it pulled back and forth until i became content and now im in a happy caring stage. i never thought id be able to care about somebody other than myself and family until i came to this point in life and i finally can. i genuinely worry about every little aspect more than i care about myself to the point where i become paranoid sometimes... little things bug me and i always ignore them looking at the positives. and sometimes i know im being naive but i look the other way. relationships are compromise and i know i cant be overbearing but ive just become so happy and accustomed i feel content with my life and dont want to lose it so i put in my every effort. im not prepared to let it go now. ive come to that stage and im willing to fight for it if i have to because it means more than a first to me. i just pray to myself that the way i am now isnt going to lose me the things i hold dear... i just want to believe im the one.