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these past few months have been the most intense moments of my youthful life. ive experienced more than i couldve imagined, in both positive and negative ways. even though ive been thrown into some pretty complex situations and i havent handled myself in the best way i could, right now i am content. im satisfied with the way i am living and just happy in general. ive actually had the most excruciatingly emotionally painful moments of my life but also the happiest. and once youve known those happy moments, you dont forget them ever.
theres so many things i wish could be. too many wants as usual and they list is only getting longer. my own place. my own car.... to be independent. ive come to terms and slowed down my expected lifepace. i used to be rushed, my head was spinning with thoughts and the immediate thought that everything had to be done now or ill miss the opportunity or something will go wrong ive always been fixated that im not good enough and im the one to blame but in reality when i stop thinking like that and slow down to the pace of life as it is now then everything is smoother and more relaxed. to be honest, my life now has little pressure. university twice a week and if i stop overthinking like i have been after high school my brain can keep up. i was smarter and simpler in high school because i refused distractions and i had one goal of getting a good hsc mark and with a goal comes purpose vice versa.
if i stop and look at the lighter simplicities in life that people take for granted then im able to appreciate what i have more. and im grateful for how my life has turned out and how i see it going.
