Newest Post
Archive for June 2012
seoul. i miss it in more ways than anyone can imagine. i was only there for two weeks, barely went out, hundreds of people surrounding me who i couldnt communicate with and was freezing from head to toe. i didn't feel it, it didn't even matter to me, everything was so perfect in an indescribable way and i never felt so at peace with myself in my life then there even when i was alone.
i've said it time and time again but i really wish my life was like an anime or drama more than ever. it knocks away all the complexities that tie us down to life, bound and unable to break free. i think its just that emptiness really tears me up sometimes. no matter how much i try to think optimistically about life, everywhere i look theres nothing to smile about. the things that i do smile about are fantasy, surreal and impossible for me. if only i could turn back time? if only i could do this, do that... if only. its impossible and even when i know it, it doesn't make it any better.
i think the harsh realisation is that you can't go back. you can't go forward, you can only look forward and live in the present. thinking how i can never have those same memories again.. its just too much.. i can't breathe properly and now i just can't string my words together.
i was never right with myself from the beginning, ive never been right with myself.. its just been like that for as long as i can remember. but even then time has passed faster than expected. i can't even contemplate how the six years of high school disappeared before my eyes, i don't even have many memories from it, 6 months in university also disappeared, friends disappeared along with it... time has just been passing. i just feel like theres no more effort left anywhere i look, no one makes an effort..
was just going through my fb photos because i have nothing better to do and i saw my korea photos.. it seriously just brings back memories. even though i never did anything huge or significant, everyday even when i was doing nothing there i was happy. i just loved every aspect of it, i don't know what it was but it makes me sad thinking how that times gone now. i know i should try and treasure the past, learn from it and move to the future because i can't go back etc etc but it doesn't make it any less teary.
ending on a lighter note, the new store owner / fellow basketball team player was with his girlfriend or female acquaintance today and he was like... 'hey cameron, do you think that any girls come here just because of you?' LOL... um, no. haha. my life is nowhere near like a drama, its not coffee prince, its not full house, any high school drama is long gone, once again snapping back to reality.
