redemption.

its either everything you're saying is shit or all im hearing is shit. all i hear nowdays is self egotistical bullshit. sometimes i try to think optimistically and pretend that everyone feels the same deepness regarding certain emotions but no. you really don't. don't even begin to start to me about your boredom, don't even begin to talk about how lonely you are. you don't even know the meaning.
two. i don't know if you'll read this, but look here mate. i'm the one looking out for your cheese while you're having a fucking smoke when you know she doesn't like it. i didn't lay a hand on her because i respect that you liked her. i made sure no one else went too far but when you did that, fuck that. you're not worth helping. if you even tried to hit me.. no ones going to save you. don't say shit like that, it just breaks how i thought that friendship is built on trust. especially regarding that sort of thing. im not a fucking snake.


some people really don't change.
they're the same person in and out. my first impression holds strong, i try to think optimistic when people do or say things. give them another chance. its really not worth it. i used to just take it, think thats the best i can do. i need friends at this point in my life so even if they're bad friends, no, i'll still be their friends but no. i don't fucking need you. the only friends i need are friends who actually genuinely care about me, not to appease their own self interests, but are willing to sacrifice for me at least a part of how much id sacrifice for them. im always the one sacrificing in every fucking aspect. money, girls, time, effort. everything. and honestly, i can't stay like that forever. im over hypocritical people, take for example, i know someone who says that theres not enough giving in the world and everyone only wants to receive. look at them, they're the one receiving and i haven't got jackshit from them in my life.





life is as meaningless as this rain at the moment. it can come and go. might get blown up when i go korea because kim jong il died. i might get hit by a tree branch and killed when i walk by something. i might be jumped and bottled in the head and die from internal bleeding... the meaninglessness just keeps pouring down.