redemption.

heres a picture of my fat little self when i use to do martial arts. i miss it.. look at all those noobs around me, i'm the boss in my black uniform. HECTIC. :D this is how you do its kids, bow to master cameron... HAHAHA. another regret.

like today never happened...

it's stuck in my head. :x i really dislike meaningful things sometimes, it just makes everything more intense, too much pressure and im not good with it. life is based on assumptions, especially around me, everyone always assumes this about me, everyone always assumes that what i do or say means this. no. honestly, sometimes when i do something, it means nothing. not one thing. nothing at all. i guess thats the difference between intention and action. if i intend for that action to mean something it means something, if i don't then it means nothing. LOL. what am i even saying?

life is easier forgetting the past. in my past in particular there have only been bad memories with specks of good things that fade too fast. people always say forget the past but i think its easier with me. honestly, you can never forget the past, especially if an action hurt you deeply, hurt other people or was just that significant that it affected people around you.. but even though life is filled with those regrets, forgetting is never easy. forgiving is easier. i guess thats why there is the saying forgive and forget, forgetting comes after.. LOL what am i saying again.

i just think that life is really too short and your youth is too short to let opportunities pass by. like the other night, i really didn't want to go because i knew what to expect, i knew what was going to happen around me, honestly not one thing was out of my expectations.. maybe its because my expectations are so low of myself and just.. don't know how to say. but everytime i go out at night, i come home feeling as lonely as ever, whiplash effect! hahh... i don't think what im typing lately really reflects anything that i'm actually thinking. but here i am again, typing away. [: