redemption.

is seventeen too young to live life by myself? can i not make my own decisions? thats the problem, overall, people always take me as a person which cannot lead his own life, i need to be cared for according to my family and than in other terms people just choose to ignore me. its actually quite hard, i use to think nobody understands what im thinking, now i think not even remotely. its hard to comprehend. im always restricted at everything in life. restricted.. im not allowed to go out here, im not allowed to go out til then, im not invited out, im just... lost alright.


im not really thinking anymore before i do things, i just let everything go with the flow, its a more peaceful lifestyle and yet i feel more engaged towards certain things. i have the urge to do well, i do have that determination no matter what other people say to me, i want to win. i don't like losing. my problems not getting myself to believe it, its getting others to understand.. and just enjoying myself theres always time to do better and theres time to have fun but missed opportunities you're going to regret forever and i've had enough regret for one lifetime, and thats my goal for now to beat that, beat you not myself.

i find hope in what i believe, wish for, desire, crave, dream for, whatever word you choose to use. that what gives me the motivation to keep going.