redemption.

first of all, i have to say this holidays although it has been the most packed and enjoying one ive ever had, i don't feel any sense of satisfaction, i know that i've been going out a fair amount although i'd rather go out every chance possible with people i'd actually enjoy going out with. (: its strange you know, im starting to learn to hate the fact that i hate it when i know other people are going out without me but i deal with it and fucking man up. my holidays have flied by, its only two weeks left and than im gone from the surface of the universe, thats a hard thing to take into your head. truthfully, i don't want to get older, don't want to face those adversities of the HSC and so on, i like being young, not having to face responsibility and being able to enjoy life, but time just flies you know and in those times when im at home thinking fuck my life although i despise that phrase i have been using it more and more, i think theres just been a few things that help me keep on going this holidays.
one would be maribelle anes, shes just amazing, ive never felt so enlightened with joy from those minutes i was engrossed in watching every video than downloading all her songs. its a shame i didn't hear her sooner. :\ reaches out to me you know.. hm. all those other things i do in my spare time that i've just become accustomed too but don't enjoy but use it to kill time, facebook/nba 2k11/dota. all along those lines, tumblr was a nice change for a second but im almost over it. some pictures though just make me tingle with happiness. ehhe. :3 i love beautiful asians, they give me a sense of happiness which i don't often get. also when im watching a really great anime and... i think its a sense of excitement. (: before i blurb on into paragraphs and people are thinking what the fuck is this guy writing i'll end it up. i bet most of you didn't even read the whole paragraph haha.
heres my favourite maribelle anes song, wish i could see her face while shes singing it, its not on her official page D:



ive lost motivation to do things anymore, im not as determined? but i do it forcefully because i know i have to. this is mainly for study and eating. i study because i know i have to if i want to succeed i use to not mind doing it but now its a bother, i eat even when im not hungry because i know if i don't its not good for me. does that happen as you get older? i wouldn't know. everyones different. i think i've been talking to myself more lately, thats quite sad reading it back to myself heh.