redemption.

been wondering about quite a few things recently, this is meant to be the best time of my life yeah? (: high school. well mostly missed out on that, and now i think another missed opportunity just flew by. jap exchange students are here now, i am full of regret. should have paid the money to go to japan. D: its a once in a lifetime opportunity but look at me now. hehh... and its just making me feel worse about not being at a co-ed school. when a girls in the class, i can concentrate better. be better, even if they're not attractive at all. i don't know, it just makes me want to prove myself more. i look around at the guys in my school, maybe its just the type of person. my schools full of pathetic people, some tremendously sadder than me, some better off in lots of aspects.
thinking about it, people are just so fragile huh.. they get hurt physically, emotionally, live and die. its just a cycle, your born, and 99.9999% of people achieve nothing significant, im one of those people. :s even worse than that. people die so easy, disease, and killing. people are so easy to kill, so fragile, so weak. :\ when i have a kid i'm going to make him go to a proper mixed martial arts sessions so he doesn't turn into some screwed up loser. if i have one, hehh. :s just another dream. looking at myself now, i wish i could go back, stop growing up. don't want to be older. especially not really old, too much regret and reminiscence. what is life? ay.. i'm not some philsopher but these things just ponder around in my mind.
i got 95% in my maths test, best in my class, but didn't even feel one ounce bit of happiness. was actually disappointed but than looking at other people, can tell how they're thinking. alright im starting to ramble. ending this before i say something else i regret. no one can understand what i'm trying to think of now, and i can't put it into words. :D NOT NEGATIVE. don't worry. hahhhh... ok maybe partially negative, but its not bad.