redemption.

ふざけるな。
my parents are always trying to screw with my head, いつも。
one minute they're telling me, go practice piano cameron, go study, why are you always playing games, talking to friends. tsch, give me a break. forcing themselves upon me, don't pretend its because you care, i thought it was at one point until the night before my exam, i was trying to study and they told me clearly, they don't give a shit. how is someone like me meant to react to that? pretending to care one moment, pushing me away the next, not just at home.
next thing i know today my mums telling me i have to continue with economics? まじか。
its the worst scaling subject i have, im really not good at it at all but because its one of my only subjects above average my mums telling me i have to do it. telling me i shouldn't do jap extension either. whats the point of going to school in the first place, go to a subject i don't even like, sit there with a teacher who doesn't even teach me and study my ass off when i get home just to get some crap ass mark or do a subject i like, which i can improve in. im not bad at jap its just my school, the people which do jap are better than i am. aish.

jap people coming this week, what a drag. was excited at one point, but look at me, im sixteen years old, i've never had a girlfriend, i don't do good in school, im not good at anything and i dont even have any close friends, and now ... sometimes i wonder what have i been doing. scrap that, not sometimes, practically everyday. how would things be if i did this, lived here, spoke to this person.. im tired of all of this. sick of it even, now i have to go back to this tormenting world of assignments on a subject i don't even like, and essays i have to memorise on a subject where even if i try my best, ill never get a good mark because the teachers hate me, no im not making excuses. if you could even get a glimpse of whats going through my head now, you'd be mindfucked. deal with it.