redemption.

As I get older and time passes, it is clearer and clearer how little and distant the friends I have are. The friendships seem material and the friends who actually know and understood me are far and gone. I am not somebody to go out and seek to rekindle friendships... the things that once gave me simple joy and tranquility when I spent time alone seem to be gone.

On the bright side, there are different joys and happiness too. The joys of growing together with my life partner, getting small joys out of seeing things grow or evolve...but that motivation to drive myself to grow individually is diminishing.

This pandemic has given more time to reflect on who I am as a person, who I want to be and where I want to go in my life but at the same time, helped realise how much I could have been, could have gone and could go but choose not to. It's a wall and I'm sitting on the side taking a sideline view instead of getting up and going for more. Maybe this is what it is to be content with what I have. Greed is never good.