redemption.

never been so tossed, turned and thrown down so roughly in my life. im at the stage in my life where you want things you cant get. not purely materialistically either but as ive said before my life would be tenfolds easier with money which is why everyone in this world works hard to earn money because it keeps the world rotating. sometimes i really cant express myself fast enough or with words that are understandable. i feel so helpless when it occurs... i really don't know how to get properly angry anymore. i feel like im telling myself in my head that i should be angry and this is what you should do when youre angry rather than actually being so caught up in the act that my brain loses control. ive put up barriers inside myself to prevent that and sometimes i just want to lose control. i want to be able to get angry and say things without resisting, do things without restraint because that would at least make me feel more normal. my emotions are still there but its just harder to completely let go this past year. is there something about me that makes me untrustable? out of guys, i think if somebody is genuine with me i can give them my all, i always keep my word, i look out for my friends, used to giving more than i take and thats just how i am. i need to be serious with myself, and simple and outright with others.