redemption.

was reading keith's blog and it reminded me of myself lately a little. i've been overthinking everything, digging to deep into what could be, what i think should be, what i actually want and ending up nowhere. i keep getting caught up on this and that thought and before i know it my body's going faster than my brain. i can't catch up and can't deal with it and before i know it, i catch up and am left with a bunch of regrets. the more and more i think of the 'perfect' girl for me, keep thinking that there is one that is perfect then you get caught up and miss what could've been. i told myself this already over six months ago but im just letting my emotions play for themselves, and in the end im left worse off, more alone and in the hardest pain ive felt in the last few years. the worst part is that i recognise where i went wrong, what i coudl of done and shouldve done and i think over this last year its been the biggest life changer. just so much has happened, and in these last six months, it feels like nothings happening, but somethings happening but times just flowing and now im at the end of my first year of uni with more regret then ever. telling myself to live life with no regrets but doing so brings worse regrets. ttm. bye.

i dont know what to do with my life now. im at an impasse. everywhere i look im just staring blankly. everywhere i go, i dont know where im really walking. i need to quit looking at my feet and thinking where they'll take me and decide where to go but even saying that, i still can't take that step forward.

brightened up my day with a little spark from pikachu.

i just want to sleep and forget about the world around me. theres really nothing worth living for in it. ive been living for these false illusions of a better future but everything is just a dream. and at the moment, im just sore and sick of it. i dont understand why im just so unsatisfied with life. ive made better friends than i had in high school, ive laughed more and matured more but its come to the point where you dont know whats what anymore. i feel like i can have a serious conversation with someone and they wont understand how serious i am and the sad thing is that theres nothing to talk about, no one to talk with and nothing left to give. sometimes you need to shed a tear to force a smile.