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Archive for July 2012
you know when you dream everything is just better. lately time has been going fast for me but everything just seems to be going slow. i don't really have any direction or purpose which im heading in. its sort of like my heads constantly in a dream, everythings blurry like that. maybe its something to do with all this dreamy kpop i've been listening too, pity i lost my ipod otherwise id be blanked out permanently.
i miss how i used to get pumped from music, i think life was just simpler when i was younger, just simpler and easier in general really. never really worried about anything and everything that even concerned me a little were of little importance if i think about it. the most concerning problems in my life were winning my next basketball game, getting another level in flyff etc. now everythings just less simplistic. every single problem has an even larger ever expanding problem on it and one thing leads to another. i feel that every decision i make is going to impact something else in some other way and i can't even follow that process with my brain properly.
also, i think theres something wrong with my mentality, my brain always seems to take priority over my heart with anything concerning love etc. you know what i mean... but honestly, it really does. in the past i was always thinking, if i like somebody i have to stick with them because im not a player etc, im a good person blah blah. and i can control myself like that and it works but.. then i always seemed to look down on everybody else in a way because almost everyone i know has limited self control, for myself at least i can say that i know what im doing 9/10 times with that 1/10 being when im blacked out. its hard to understand what you really want, its a mix of brain and heart, peer pressure amongst other things but in the end the decision made is the one i stick with. even if its caused regret, even if i tell myself i could forgive them and it turned out to lead to regret, even if i tell myself that i do, i should do what i think is right. right? (:
