redemption.

i have no ambition. i have no determination. people lately have been calling me weak and its true. in every single aspect as a person, im weak. all i can do is dream of an unrealistic fantasy, all i can do is sit here miserably at 4am in the morning by myself staring blankly at the wall wondering. the next few days are going to be left empty too. i will sit here and if im lucky, it will at least rain to give me something to look at. i used to hate the rain but all i can do now is hope for winter. rain drowns away the sorrows and brings different kinds of pain. everything i ever wanted in this world is out of reach and im crying in my own abyss. i could talk endlessly about complaints but when i talk to people all i can do is face them with a smile, laugh things off and just talk for the sake of talking. maybe i wasn't meant to have my own happiness but just slide into the normality of this world, flow into the lifestream where everyone is closer than they think but loneliness is draped around their neck tighter than any winter scarf.