redemption.

i've met a few people over the years, theres been people who make me smile when i see their face, theres been people who make me wanna vomit when i see their face and greatest of all, theres people who i just want to smash their face in when i see their face. isn't the world a lovely place. [:

some people find it hard to accept that what they have. theres nothing wrong with them. myself included. it hurts me a little too when i hear someone say they don't like this part about them when it makes me like them that little bit more because everyones different. its really not the person, as i was saying on formspring, theres no set apperance/personality anymore. i use to think so but like really... every persons different, you like them or you dont. simple as that. i need to stop living by those stereotyped thoughts, my brain tells me to and then at other times it tells me other things. id use a stereotypical thingo like saying my heart tells me otherwise but thats just too cliche and fake as shit.
back to my lonely solo conversations with myself when im driving home by myself (:

you know when you feel emptiness, its just nothingness really. my mind is always like rushing with thoughts but honestly, i can never keep up with them, thats why i say things i regret, do things i regret because i cant think about them first, im just not a on my feet type of person. when you're exposed to something for a long time you just accept it. you've been alone your whole life, you just accept it. no matter how much you hate it. you have to accept it because its the only path for you.
i try to not give a shit about other people. i want to be able to just be a prick and pretend i dont give a shit about hurting another person but fuck myself for not being able to do it. being nice has seriously got me no where. ever. but when it comes down to it, im still going to be nice to people, i really really can't say no. and here i go back again, listening to the lyrics of songs, listening to the sound of people murmuring in library, looking at the smiling faces or just content faces of others around me. feel so lonely even when im there and just hurt inside. [: