redemption.

you know whats sad once again. the fact that people feel the need to deter attention to themselves through the effort, or in some cases luck, exerted in certain feats. unlike most of the general other population, i play basketball to get better for my own sake. no, ill never make it into nba. no i'll never even make it into a rep team. im not a great basketball player, but i try and am self motivated on my own will. ive been playing almost everyday since year 7. you'd think, why are you still so bad at basketball, but you tell yourself, no i train myself to jump higher to prove to you that i can jump higher than you, even when i know the fact that i jump higher than you, you blame it on my height. look around you, im not that much taller than anyone else, ive just been forced due to that small difference in size to play the bigger man all the time. the fact is i have taken more shots in basketball than any kid in my school. i would put money on that. so know this, anything i do is for myself, my own personal reasons, sometimes they may involve you, but don't force me to do things, don't assume things upon me. in my head, you're just embarassing yourself.

can anyone tell me that they have never thought what would happen if they killed themselves or if you died, what would happen to the world around you. in the truth, nothing. you are insignificant in this world like me. the world would go on. your family and friends may miss you, but over time they'll get over it. sure every now and than you might pop back into their heads, thoughts but they're only memories. people learn to move forward. today i was told a strange thing, why are you so angry? um... look at my face. im neither smiling nor frowning nor scowling or anything. its just empty. maybe people have become accustomed to that forced smile but than again even im starting to lose the difference in my reality.

and once again im left thinking, somebody tell me.