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// Posted by :natsukagex // On :January 22, 2011



reflection on cameron's 2010.

right now, i've realised how much has happened in this last year and honestly, i have to say although i've had some of the toughest times, i've had the best year of my life. what made it up was the realisation of some things. just to name a few:
  • i don't need close friends at school, or to create unrealistic expectations on anything, i just live life as it is, take what comes to me, and make the best friends i can that i can rely on. my school friends have never been that close except for a few :\ they .. distance me, but im alright with that. i've stepped over betrayal and their slack traits forgiven them time and time again and just keep striving on, they're my only friends i'll have in this rough year, got to keep positive there. (:
  • even if you try your hardest, theres someone out there who is better than you. you just have to put in your best effort, and hope for the best. sometimes, especially when your like me, people just don't like you based on stereotypes mainly and than after that its my own fault. look im a half asian, i can't speak chinese, no im not a genius because i go to nsb, no i can't jump high just because im tall i work on it, and fuck you all for stereotyping things like that. its painful to not be recognised when you put in work and even more painful when your hard work doesn't pay off, and fucking punches you in the face. that is the single hardest moment i've had this year. there was one other that rivaled it, but i have to say happy moments outnumbered these sad moments so step over it!
  • don't update your phone and lose half your numbers!
  • things are never the way they seem, sometimes it feels like im just hallucinating. i think ive become somewhat attached to falling asleep on the phone, its .. more peaceful i think. it allows me to rest at night, and i just had a moment thinking over something there irrelevant to what i was typing! x) urgh i dislike myself sometimes. anyways, i woke up to my grandparents calling asking for my mum and went back asleep and dreamed about yelling and going crazy at the mcdonalds people for not giving me my mcchicken and shutting down without giving it to me! i need my mcchicken okay you bastards, haha. :D
  • sometimes, music can give me that little elevation, motivation to keep going. other times its god, but most of the time its my memories, my thoughts, my willpower. (:


i'll type something else, those are more my thoughts now. heh. :s this year will be another year, i met amazing friends this year, came closer to some and lost some, but its all for the better on the outlook. all for the better, just keep telling yourself that cameron! x)

i think ive become accustomed to.. almost deep conversations with people. no dnm from my side if im consciously thinking about it, it just comes out sometimes. i sort of like it, writing big paragraphs and being able to convey myself to someone like that. couldn't talk it like that though, still as bad with words as i was when i was born.

ive also wished for a lot of things this year, with all those 11:11s. haha. :D but look at it okay, none of my true wishes ever come true. my aim in life is to be happy as often as possible, i realised that. have to be able to make those around me happy, but never forget that its not selfish to be happy myself. :s is it. stop questioning yourself cameron! um. just also like to say one little thing can make someone smile and be happy even if for a split second. so, smile everyone, because someone out there loves you, thinks about you. its amazing how many times im thinking about people who barely talk to me :\

i thank you 2010, for several things, formspring being one of them. (: it makes me happy knowing somebody is actually consciously asking me a question, and that i have so many questions, thank you really .



but in reality theres still one realisation to me, i believe nobody, and i mean nobody has even come close to understanding me still!
onwards to new friends, new memories and beyond. [:

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