redemption.

i haven't posted for over a week, anyone miss me? haha. :D
alrights, procrastinating doing my work because ive finally hit year 12, i should change anything which says year 11 but im not that bothered :\ i need to put effort into my work! i got everything organised and now.. uh. i really can't be bothered to write anything with no inspiration, just thought i should let somebody who might read this know that im not dead. LOL. IM NOT MR. RANDOM :D i got a piano exam on saturday and granny smith festival after, looking forward to it. x) its the only thing this term which might keep me sane, pity its not halfway through, im going to breakdown around exam time. (:
i think im learning to control myself better, not let out my emotions you know!

don't you hate how some things grow on you, little by little and other things just die away? its good in some ways, bad in others. this applies for almost everything, people included but sometimes theres people you just dont like from the start, and they can neither grow nor die at all. for example, i have a couple of friends, well quite a few actually that would talk with me, act friendly and all, be actually friendly, back me up on things like a good friend should but than turn around and they're going out to places not just little things and don't even invite me out? its not like im confined home or anything, i do go out too. but still, that sort of shits painful.

when talking about things with other people you can break it down, theres things you can talk about with anyone, things you can talk about with friends, things you can talk about with people you just meet, things you can talk about guy to guy etc. you just need to judge that.

i had the best day yesterday, and the night before. met some awesome people and had the time of my life ~ haha. :D took me ages to get back home though, its not fun waiting on the station for ages without anything to do esp when your phones dead, cant even text!

hoping the rest of my holidays is as fun, but probably won't be, not doing too much. x) on to year 12 !



this just made me laugh, yao ming at the end says 'don't fuck with me' LOL. OMG HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAHA. its yao ming. (Y)

hey rico LOL. :D omgosh, the highlight of my shortlived dunking life. haha. (:
i took my brother to basketball yesterday yeah, and than coaching basketball blah blah, and at the end of the game, or half time, can't remember, think it was end of the game, everyone was like shooting around and than i was like, -try to dunk as usual its just when i see a ring, i feel the need to jump :D you probably don't understand, anyways it was there right and boom. and i look down, and everyones like are you okay rico? LOL. and im like huh. -looks around. and his on the floor. i knocked him down, uh. welcome to the poster rico yan. ahhhahahaha. that probably didn't make much sense but i just had to say it.


okay. HOLIDAYS NOW :D -celebration time come on ~ my mum called me fat today, she said i was putting on weight.. haha. D: not cool. looks like i should cut down right? (:
time to have fun!

thursday night ^ 16/9
had nsg social, wasn't too bad. they made us come early and had to freeze on the side of the wharf til we got on the boat. better off than other people in their bloody dresses haha. :D there were lots of asians which made the night all the much better. got on the boat pretty early, they queued the line for ages. miltu tried to jump onto the wharf thingy LOL. idiot. they let him on either way though. than they started pumping all this shit ass music, it just got worse and worse. the DJ wasn't even DJing? its not a DJ, was just him playing crap music so loud and no one could talk properly and it was too cold to go outside. there was just a mosh up the front with a couple of people showing up their skills... oh wait its nsb, what skills. some other guys from other schools were aite. yeah, met a couple of people. after it ended trekked up to town hall and went hotel for afters. yay... :D
monday night ^ 20/9
had chelt social, was alright. i walked down to the wrong social when i saw people, than i saw a friend and knew he was going burwood one and im just thinking... uhh, yeah, i know where i am. than trekked down a bit and got to the right place eventually. met some more people, than went inside eventually after an even longer wait.. yay again. (: the place was tiny and i thought someone might take my jacket so yeah, carried it around half the night til i couldn't be bothered and dumped it on the waiters table thing (Y) it was an even bigger mosh because thats all it was, no room to talk not that anyone seemed to want to. maybe i just wasn't in the middle of standing in the middle of 50 retarded white/curry people and moshing. maybe its just me ^.^ walked around a bit after than home.

yeah, all this weeks been like down. schools been a bitch, i didn't do great on my tests and i get beaten by people who don't even study or listen all year round. don't know why i bother. :\
everythings like not fun either, i still don't have a fun game to play, no more movies/dramas i can be bothered to watch anymore so yup! fml. i hate that phrase but sometimes its spot on. :L when you just have those fml moments. my bodys been aching all week esp my right shoulder. more yay. :D
perhaps im self conscious, but i have a right to be alright. all these pictures i feel like a bloody retard, want to untag all of them except the one where im black. best photo by far. :D dp material. just been sitting here feeling pretty useless..

i have no idea what to blog about. if anyone got an idea, post it in the comment box and i'll say something about it if you want. otherwise i'll just post when i get inspiration to.

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i have no idea what to blog about but i'll just wing it ~ my exams are finally over, yayy :D last one was chemistry, and i got my maths back today and made 4u maths :\ didn't get a great mark though. but just means i'll have to put in more effort next year! year 12, gosh, it actually feels like ages, i was just a little kid before, oh look at me im a year 7 going to my peer support sessions, and just learning to play basketball. :( -disappointment. haha. alright cutting back on the emoticons. someone told me because i use so many emoticons it makes it look like im cheesing with people, thats not cool okay. ^.^

last night i had a nightmare oh my gosh! its closer to a dream i guess so its progress. it wasn't really that scary, but i screamed out loud when i woke up. than went back to sleep. -thinks. oh yeah.

starcraft II isn't that great! don't know what everyones on about, first of all its a micro game, the graphics aren't that great and you have to pay to play it properly. wheres the fun in that? something wrong with people, and on that topic i don't have a proper game to play, its so frustrating. sure its nice talking to people on msn, but i end up just browsing facebook/blog/formspring. clicking between the tabs at the top of my screen over and over and over and over with nothing new! just need something refreshing esp with holidays coming up but exams over, hehe. i was so happy yesterday for some reason. lasted about 40 min. :L

um. i have nsg social tomorrow and cheltenham on monday, should be fun although im missing out on my bball game. :\ i really don't have that many games left, have to try and make the best of it. they have new rings at our school but they're like rounded at the bottom and than have like a straight piece going up like.. urgh. like thin yeah? ALRIGHT. LOL. its like a circle with a line going up from the top of the middle. easier to picture? and than shaped like that. i should be able to dunk on it, but i seriously can't palm the ball and i don't want to hurt myself. :(

my ipods not big enough! -dislike. only 4gb, had to delete actually like 200-300 songs. oh well :\ i still haven't downloaded songs for a while. sometimes you need change.


after my english speech i went to play super smash brothers nintendo64 on my friends laptop OMGLOL. (: brings back memories. pikachus still as cute as ever. :3 bahha.


still something about these korean singers i can't get over :\ so pretty. honestly kim hyun joong and CL thats unfair.

you kept me going again dwight howard. (:

ive been studying like the good boy i am, well not particularly hard. :L you know its hard to gather motivation in times like these you know?
want the good news or the bad news or just my rant first? (: no answer? D: leave me hanging here people, nah. i'll go... bad news first. most people like a happy ending right? (:

i'm almost crying for my friend D: they had to cut off 30cm of her beautiful hair. 30cm. 30cm. do i need to say it again. 30cm. thats all ill say for it. :\
anyways, more bad news ! yipee. :x i lost both basketball games, and im a bloody 2 point scoring magnet. scored 2 points in the first game against randwick which we lost 52-39 and 0 and fouled off in third quarter against shore 91-46. people which blame the refs are.. and i know im not meant to argue with people stupider than me so . D: but sometimes it just gets to you, you know? to be honest, i almost fucking cried again when i came off on that last foul. it was the most bullshit call i have ever been called for. i was boxing out someone, and than some other guy just freaking jumps from no where i didn't even see him, he like jumps on my back punches it or something and than goes slams on the floor. i wasn't even moving. and i get a foul for what?... anymore bad news.. uhh. i screwed up in japanese speaking! :L and english creative, or did i already say that... probably did (:
i have lost my motivation to play basketball competitively, there are just too many people out there better than me, i can't carry my training practice into a competitive situation, i practice a lot, it keeps me happy and calm and when im in a rhythm everything goes down for me, i get into a game, can't drop one ball in the ring. not even one. i just have to face reality, im not even good enough to make it into a division one team, i can't jump, i can't dribble, i can't shoot and i can't rebound. what use is there for someone. i'm not even average in it all now, i swear, you put me up against some guy my height who hasn't played anywhere near as much he'll school me, all i got is my height, people keep saying that and i was denying it, but look , i go verse people taller than me, and obviously the way they play, when im feeling good im better than that, but i can't even outplay somebody else my height? i'm also too thin. they're all tanker than me, tank, tank tank tank everywhere i look is a huge white guy, asian guy, black guy. everywhere. i'm not made to get big.

okay. onto side fringes. :D yay, the side fringe. its elegance and infallibility is proven in such characters as every single pretty person out there. (: haha. nah, non side fringes can look okay too, depending. but i think i have an infatuation with them. sometimes i just look at someone and go... they would look 10x better with a side fringe. i've seen lots, been through lots, and definently so much nicer. :L i remember when i was little boy, my parents were like omg. gel your hair up like your cousin its so much cooler. UH NO. LOL. don't think i ever did, never will. haha. never waxed my hair in my life, and gels worse than wax. D: get out of here. my cousin is embarassing sometimes, i find it amusing when people with really short hair with no style to it whatsoever try to do something to it, or people with the ugliest hair try to do something, for example some ugly stupid prick of a white kid tried to copy some other guy and dye his hair blue... honestly.... honestly. some people i just look at and they make me sick but honestly.. i don't want to see his face for the next.. -counts fingers, not enough fingers - counts toes, not enough toes, can i borrow your fingers? your toes? everyone in the whole worlds fingers and toes? NOT ENOUGH. yiuearyhoeag. bleurgh. icky. anyways, ever say something and wonder why did i just say that.. :\ more than likely yes. :L happens to me almost everyday, things just pop out of my mouth that i regret, more regret piles up like a stinking lump of compost. LOL. what a bad example but its first which came to mind which wasn't rude because i'm attempting to reduce swearing. ^.^ there are just some things, those little things that just make you smile yeah? :L even when my day was feeling like crap, i came back and looked at some photos, watched some drama and everythings okay. its okay. 괜찮아요

good news.. its not really good news, my piano exams moved back to sometime in october. i have to practice more now (:

The most beautiful encounters are like those with handkerchiefs, They wipe away your sweat when you're tired, and your tears when you're sad.

ngah ngah. (:

i don't think i'll make this post too colourful. sometimes its hard to read yeah. anyways, i have sort of a little break inbetween exams, my next proper ones not til monday, and i can afford to take a little break now. (: exams go from 1st - 14th, effort but i'll live. piano exam on the 11th too, hopefully i'll pass and thats all my academic etc stuff done. :L

you know, have you ever just stopped, sat down somewhere and wondered what another person's doing, thinking? you can never really tell without seeing them, even when you see other people sometimes you can't understand whats going through their head. some people, in certain situations you can tell what they're most likely reactions going to be, but nothing 100% certain. facebook, yes i am referring to facebook, some of those groups are true, sometimes they're so true i have to comment on them :L last one i could think of is being able to sit with your best friend in silence without it being awkward. honestly, i long for a day like that. :\
do you ever think about people which you don't see on a regular basis, not just of the opposite gender, for example i thought i had a good friend at one point but he changed school and now we don't talk at all, ive lost two friends to ruse now. (: the other one, even though i didn't know him that well, he was a great guy.. and right at the end of the year before he left we got to know each other a bit more, yeah we went up together on the year 10 camp bus, and even talked on msn a bit too. which is quite a big thing, most of the time guys don't talk to people of the opposite gender over msn. :\ usually... maybe i'm just stereotyping there, i'm sure some girls talk to their best friends over msn, most guys wouldn't though.. urgh. maybe its just me . who knows. ive been talking to my friends brother over msn, don't think its weird! haha. i'm not some pedophile, its ok, his in year 9 and i played a couple of online games with him. (: i miss those days, seriously. carefree holidays where i could just sit at the computer playing games which completely took my mind off the world, they helped me calm down a little from the roughness of life. :x i think i said this before quite a few times but apparently according to an mX article i read ages ago people which play first person games have more control over their dreams. somebody was trying to argue with me you can't die in a dream.. this isn't inception! anyways, i swear you can, i just respawn like a game :\ or start over in some new place. but i haven't dreamed, not one i can remember for a long long time. its the lack of games. i'm not as enthusiastic, motivated as i use to be. it made me happy and i long for that happiness again x) quite sad isnt it. craving to play online games.. i haven't touched one in months. people say its sad being game addicted, well perhaps it is but the only sad thing is not being able to play. D:

shall i think of another topic? hehh. -thinks. oh yeah i was going to blog about a few of the things my english coaching teacher made me think about, it sort of made me want to do extension english topic navigating the global but if i did do extension english id be doing crime fiction.. my schools lack of choice :\ better than japan though, either way im bad at english. well we were discussing, well pretty much he was discussing how technology has changed our lives, in a more complex view than that, the mobile phone, the internet it allows us to develop and strengthen our stronger ties with friends/family etc. but because of it we have less room for weaker ties with strangers not complete ones, like.. that guy you see every morning and you nod and after some time you'd start saying hi or something. do we need that? i don't think we do. but than he also was talking about how theres less face to face time despite skype... gosh his lame :L well, its true, you get talking about more 'random' things when you talk for a longer time with people, more colloquial and than he started talking about fake smiles... more or less he was trying to say, he always tries to boast about his ex wives and girlfriends and his $1350 shoes. anyways, he was spot on for it ._. fake smiles. nobody sees those genuine smiles anymore, they're hard to see. want to see.


my rooms incredibly brighter now :D put in new lights and it probably increased the light by 3x and it uses less energy, how convenient! haha. :3 love these new lightbulbs, it keeps me awake longer too i think. i've been worrying about a lot of things but i won't blog about them. x) some things need to stay personal.
i have a fascination and envy about how good looking some korean guys :\ wish someone would just pick my clothes for me too, need a stylist. :L maybe if i become rich some day. lee jun ki, kim sang bum, kim hyun joong everyone :x they just have this thing to them, like some girls do, it just makes them attractive.. i'd do anything to look like that. :s guess not everyones blessed.

13 days til happiness. x)

cameron woke up this morning and thought 'i really should blog about something more interesting than 5.2k+ word recounts on what i did, nobody really pays attention to that sort of stuff. they wouldn't even bother reading it they'd go , why the hell did this guy write so much! :L'
haha, i also woke up and thought that 'i should try to brighten up my blog with more colours in my texts, maybe more picture breaks that sort of stuff yeah, big blocks of text need too much imagination!' but that wasn't really what i thought when i woke up, i was thinking 'why do i have to get up , urghhh.' :L haha. did that help at all? not really. hehh. and theres nothing wrong with pink, don't hate on it.
than i thought about brainstorming what i should write about and i think i'll write about a few things, making up for all my blogposts inbetween i missed. :D
cameron's brainstorm list:

• likes/dislikes
• dreams/reality
• music?
  

and now i'm just sort of lost, i have no idea what to write about!
thought maybe i should do a poll about whether i should stop using all these emoticons in the middle of my blog, whether i should try to layout it more a bit etc etc. but i realised i don't know how to poll. so i asked my good friend google. :D

thought i should split this up into a couple of subheadings. (: gosh the word like looks strange. i'll write it in japanese.