redemption.

why does everything always have to be so messy. everyone is just going and going and going. why is there ever a rush. im meant to be in the happiest and longest break of my life and all i see is trust being broken around me. i try to trust people, time and time again, give them a chance no matter what i hear. if they fuck up, i still give them another chance. i don't even know why. people don't deserve second chances sometimes. they really dont. something bad happened to a close friend of mine today and theres nothing i can do about it. i don't care if he gets angry at me for no reason when all ive ever done is care about him and got his back but i do care if he gets hurt. fumed hard for a while. i think ive just been edging to hit someone lately. theres so many people who deserve it and i need that adrenaline rush to keep me going. life has been the shits and nothings gonna make it better.

i've realised the people i know. the friends i have. its miniscule, its not even significant. i need close friends. i just need people to talk to and make my existence seem something you know? only got one. and the others always just too far away.
well.. no regrets. never regret anything because once it was something you wanted. trying to never look back.

ps. i still want a dog. and that photo reminds me of someone. miss talking to them. least someone was talking to me.