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when you keep trying to create a sense of uniformity and simplicity into your life you're inevitably only going to hurt yourself. there is nothing simple about life and when you try to make it seem simple and not so bad, thats when youre throwing yourself into false hopes and you'll end up trashed, alone and lifeless. theres too much pain everywhere and from everything, people like myself are always putting themselves down from that low self esteems stems branches of more sadness and sorrow and its just too hard to climb back, even with help youre only just going to be left at the bottom tunneling deeper into your own pit of shit. i keep telling myself everythings alright and theres nothing to worry about even when theres a million things shooting through my head and when you keep forcing those things to the back of your head, eventually theres not going to be any space left to store it which is why i forget. forgetting is easier than forgiving. my life isn't so holy that i can easily forgive even though its seemingly the right thing to do. this springs more traps, trips and when youre left with all these insecurities about yourself and those around you, you don't know what to trust or believe in anymore and its really quite empty. im really quite empty right now... just floating on.
