redemption.

fuck. :s take everything back, worth nothing at all. :\ few of my 'friends' dyed their hair, one of them red that you can't even see unless its in the sun, the other that same browny/orange everybody does except it does not suit his hair at all. actually quite disappointing to see them fawning over it.. only reason to dye your hair is to make yourself appear better or different and apparently more attractive, i guess they do need it but still. ;s i went through that phase, still in it i guess. trying to make myself look better, trying all those little things when i should be more concerned about studying but i know im not going to be. that leads me on to japanese and reminds me of how bad im doing. i do try, i really do. :\
my parents asked me if i wanted to host a japanese student, theres a 90% chance it will be a girl. theres lots of good points, bad points to this but being me i only see the negatives. the teacher said she may need one more, when i said another 'friend' offered to do it. how can you just do that? offered to me, doesn't matter though. that just ripped out any chance of me bothering. why would they take 10 year 10s and 10 year 11s. its stupid. fucking bad public school system, ruin it up. ;s was thinking if i did host someone, if its a guy we can play games if he enjoys them, if not go do stuff together, play basketball etc. on the off chance he doesn't give a shit about me and just does what he wants, thats a waste of my time for even bothering. if its a girl, it will get awkward. i am meant to be the one showing them around, teaching them stuff, my house isn't even visitor friendly, let alone my room. need to make it nicer. (: more boyish? hehh. its so plain. they would both probably sleep in the spare bedroom. thats fine enough there i guess but i dont know if id want more. get older cameron. (: on the off chance they could be hidious too, pretty hard with japanese girls though, esp in high school. they aren't fat mother fuckers like us. probably would rather go to the united states.
don't you hate watching videos of your 'friends' going out and doing things they never told you about, looking at the photos wishing you were there but wondering what you did wrong, listening to them talk about things you have no idea what its about. its troubling, but don't worry cameron. smile (: onegai~

another day, another week. (: started off quite happy today, i don't know why, was smiling and all, just sitting there in school 'learning' stuff i already knew in maths, doing nothing in chemistry, economics and english and doing a bit of japanese. :L think my happy spree started to die around economics when i started getting a bit hungry, than i got home and ate just a little too much D: not good for me, should go exercise cameron! hehh. i was really happy though (: just those little things, got a few nice new songs. :D maybe that helped a bit, got them stuck in my head since monday. was just like lalala :3 singing quietly or in my head while i walk around even though i know i can't sing haha.

i think i love my new jacket even though i haven't worn it yet. (: and days are just flying by, not really paying count. i get next thursday and friday off so i'll have a four day weekend. this day will be a four day week, next week a 3 day week and than the last week of term! :D get pumped cameron. holidays better be something special, i think for once i got invited to go out, think we're playing poker. (: hehhh :3 that should be fun. hopefully, ill get asked out other places, get some good study done, sleep well, have fun, exercise. all ready for year 12, and a new season of basketball, last season too :\ make it my best, hopefully get in a backboard pin or a dunk. :D jump highhh cameron ! flyyyy. hehh.

ooo, cameron went shopping today. :L after my brilliant dream my day was going all good (: and than my fucking manager was like cameron, get your ass to work etc. and i just raged, i didn't have work fuck him ): ruin my whole fucking day, was considering telling him that his a fat shit, but ended up not because my mum was already angry at me :\ than off i went wasted my day and than went off to macq center straight when i got home. ;s keep on moving cameron.. i went to pick out new glasses :D yay, how fobby. bahha, but no one shall ever see me wearing glasses so it doesn't matter. anyways, than on i moved to shopping! i was like, hmm macq center, just so i could go shopping, and i ended up buying a nice jacket and two plain shirts. but still! good job cameron, got my brother a nice jacket and than my dad one too. (: and than got presents for the white people in my family who came over at around 4 before i even got back.. still here now ;x and than yeahhh there we go. ;s pretty crummy day, and my day tomorrows not going to be much better. people ask me how was your long weekendd? CRAP. (: bye byes. knew i wasn't going to go out - sigh.

i just had the best dream ever. (: i would've slept in more but i probably would've forgotten it so i just had to get up and blurt down as much as i could. it lasted like so long, i don't remember most of it already :\ but actually my best dream ever.
first of all, it started with a meteor shower on the 6th of june, 2010, it was like preforecasted that after that some big change would happen and i was like with my friends for some reason and we were like 'ahhhh - love you man D: you've been a great friend ' - waits. phewwww, nothing happened. and than we were all relaxed and next thing i know its like 5 years later, and i'm in final year of university and i can't remember a thing since the 6th of june. i didn't even know, i woke up and everyone was older, and i was like huh.. - looks around with my family at the table. and like, whats going on! and than everyone was looking at me strangely, and i kept on hammering them about what happened since 6th of june, and they told me i studied my heart out and i got 94 atar, and i was so disappointed D: but it was all over, and than i kept on saying does anyone remember anything since the 6th of june, and than eventually everyone else could, but for some reason i forgot everything. i was running around saying whats the time, and no one could tell me and when i got to the computer it was 12th of june, 2015. 12:45am some other time - rewind it back to 2:45pm to get my time for some reason, haha flaw in the story again but still! than i looked in the mirror, and i was beautiful, i had the awesomest hair ever ;o almost orgasmed LOL. kiddings, haha. :D but seriously, it was so cool, too cool to describe. and than i went to live my life in chatswood, i was working at a bakery store and we made things and this is where i forgot most of it ): favourite thing was the apple pie, and than it sort of blurs, was working in a little shop down the side after that... met some people etc. omg D: NO IM FORGETTING. it was so good. -sigh
finally, for some reason i ended as a pokemon and i could kill everything really easy, hahha. think that was sort of a seperate dream though.
oh, thought id post this picture of a car i saw two weeks ago, i took off my phone. :L hehh.

happy times in chemistry!
you know those funny atom structure modelling kit thingies, yeah you might :o hahh. well we were making little creature thingies out of those and i just felt the urge to put something more personal up on my blog. (: if you don't know what i look like, here you go too!
which looks better, creature #1, #2 or me? :D what looks nicest? hahh, don't choose though seriously D:
the seat has a massive hole in it (: hehh. had a picture which showed more of my face and the whole hole, but i think ill avoid that, unless someone has a dying urge to see it..

i think im in a better mood than i've been in all week. (: i don't know why - looks at the new game downloading - D: don't disappoint me again baby girl; hahh. i tried to go shopping today but i conclude that i suck at shopping and its so tiring and uncomfortable that i give up :\ maybe some day in the holidays.. most likely not. so im stuck yay!
off to play!

like my new blogskin layout? only took me two minutes to find ;D hehh. but than i realised i had to put in all my tagboard/musicplayer etc/info/remove things. and i was like AHHHH. (: but its worth it, so much cleaner yes? made me happy. (:
got basketball today vs the other year 10 team! hoping i don't lose, feelings bit weak and off :\ don't give my chances much for doing well, hope my yr 12 friends in top shape!
hopefully, my friend shall give me his harddrive tommorrow to put some anime on so i can take his anime (: and that shall make my day tomorrow - heh. got long weekend, i think i know what ill be doing. but i think i also need to get some clothes (: hopefully won't be too indecisive!

i hit a low today D: around 2nd period, hmm... nah into 3rd period, no! half way through recess, i just stopped playing basketball and than in 3rd period maths, i felt like crap D: even sleep didn't make me feel ok, wasn't even walking straight when i went to the 'toilet' -cough. just to get some fresh air? hahh.. didnt work. than i had eco and eventually 3/4 through the lesson my friend lent me money and i went canteen and bought food and ate it than went back up when i went to the 'toilet' heh (: oh and than my friend wanted thai so i had thai , pad see ew beef and garlic chicken and than by the end of that most of my energy was back so for 5th period i was chucking ice down my friends back and squirting water with little dropper thingies.. LOL. bad description, but that was fun (; we were meant to be doing practical of course. :L
than last period was english D: continued to read the sexually explicit book 'the reader' about some 15 yr old having sex with a 36 yr old tram conductor everyday for ages, and than got my report D:
=96/154 for english adv.
=104/120 for eng ext i think it was?
or something like that.
=42/154 for maths + maths ext.
=31/76 for economics.
=21/26 for japanese continuers.
pretty much what i expected, who gives a crap about comments. they can go, oh cameron is capable etc. fuck up with the comments ahhhhh. :\ shouldn't be banned but its sort of saddening, i tried hard too. just have to try harder for next report! looking bad already, got worse in maths. D:

i've been having cravings again. :\ esp. for basketball. at the end of lunch when the lunch bell goes it hurts to watch the ball go away, i wish i could play until i drop. (: i want to get better, jump higher, fly higher so much it hurts, knowing how little time i have. things are really just crammed, im too old. just too old. ): my basketball lifes ending, soon enough ill just be an old guy. too old to play anything, watching kids grow up, bored to hell. ;s edging on me already. i want to backboard pin, lebron james style, shannon brown, anyone. D: want people to see it, acknowledge that i can do it. know that a guy my height and my age in australia shouldn't be doing that. want people to know that ): but can't do it, grab the rebound and fast break for a dunk, dunking in traffic, facial dunk. :\ one thing, if just once i would be happy.
i was so addicted i got into basketball animes even, ok . and they made me really happy. downloaded them, watch it over and over. the intensity, the school life, fuck. it actually makes me cry. can't describe it, the need. i crave for that sense of fulfillment, happiness.

just this afternoon i was considering just killing my blog, i was thinking how pointless my blog posts are, sort of time consuming and whether they actually serve any purpose whatsoever. apparently, the cbox does for random white strangers though, least they're complimenting me though. (: no arguments there - oh.
and i wanted to change my blogskin but i really don't have the effort to. (: heh. just want a plain one, cbox - and blog posts down the middle with a nice background. perhaps one time i shall have completely free time in which i am not too effortless to go do it. :L

anyways, this weekend was so-so . my friend slept over on saturday after coaching and left 4:30ish on sunday, so i've been on a low since then. (: keep on thinking, oh cameron you should go exercise, everyone else is so much more fit than you go do something about it, why you so weak cameron whyy, why not big enough. whyy D: but i really never end up doing anything about it. need some motivation cameron - (: exams are over, was pretty happy about that. almost fell asleep in coaching with the substitute chemistry teacher, just leaving me there. than i had to chew some gum to keep me awake for the rest of the time so i'd choke on it if i wasn't paying attention ? does that work :L hahh..
seeing things now, makes me regret a lot, ok , a whole fucking dam lot. its too late, i keep telling myself - but yeah. it is too late.

thanks for the formspring posts people. (: keep me entertained, but really - no need to double post :L if you strain your eyes hard enough that number says 44. - and if you strain harder you can have a look at how i organise my beautiful mozilla firefox icons.

HELLO MY BEAUTIFUL BLOG. :L i missed you baby girl - bahhha.
god those exams were mind wrenching D: i was like ahhhhh - and ahhhh -
but it was finally all over. don't think i did well, but not bad, thats what i get
for giving up a weeks of hard effort. (:
my weeks been nothing interesting, won basketball 120-20 yesterday aahha.
seriously, they were so bad... so so bad.. quit basketball not even division 3 material :L
how can you score 120 points in a game with no shot clock seriously! SOOO BAD :D
and the thing is some of them think they're good. and i was like baby baby baby -oh -smack the
ball out. LOL sorry couldn't resist. we had so you think you can do stuff this morning, which is
just a random school thing they did and they were singing justin bieber - and making lame jokes
that his a singing fetus or something...
anyways, finally free! until holidays sometime where i shall need to study for exams again , i can go out! ;DDDD play games oh how exciting, not that i will go out. maybe in holidays. (: hope so -