redemption.

been feeling out of it still. sometimes i think that its better, just not to think about any of it. thinking brings complication and complication brings pain. sometimes i actually feel that im going to die young. everything just gets you down and ive just been trying to keep out of it, when somebody says something that pisses me off or makes me sad, ignore it, if somebody tries to make me do something, ignore it. theres no point putting effort into something that doesnt deserve it and if you let it worked up it only makes you weaker. atm, i have work/gym to take my mind off things so im coping.

in the end, just turned back to impassive.

i think im a little bit of a coward. i always tell myself that i know i can do things but prefer not to, i can tell people anything but they don't need to know it if they don't ask... im always waiting for the opportunity. i always tell myself, if i keep waiting then someday something good will happen, someday someone will come to me, someday something will happen but it really wont. and somewhere in the back of my head i know that. and somewhere in the back of my head, i know how alone i actually am in this world. realising at 4am in the morning, realising at 4pm in the afternoon. realising your whole life, you have no one to really talk to.

tonari no kaibutsu kun episode 6 is too real to me its a little painful.

its happening again. i forget to put on my fake face and people think im depressed or angry if i dont have that dumb fake smile on. its too much.

those lyrics hurt... my heart is weathered, tired from the pain, i thirst for something more than any worldly gain. they try to break me, steal the love you give so i need you more every moment of the day.