Newest Post
Archive for November 2010
theres lots of thing i want to do, still want to do and wanted to do. sometimes its too late to do things no matter how much you hope for it but its okay! [: theres always new things to look forward to but you have to work to make them happen. nothing just comes to you, unless you want to take that literally and say oh well i chuck a boomerang and it comes back to me or something.. OK ill stop with that. haha. (:
im really lost about what to blog recently, no sudden bursts of inspiration when you have to study you know. i just had my 2unit maths test today, it was SO hard. omg. this f(x) question you had to like draw the f'(x) chart of the blah blah blah. im messing with you x) im not that stupid. i probably got like 95% but i think i got 100%. hopefully i get 100% in one test before the end of school, even though it doesnt count. i have 3 unit test on monday, i just have to think about it like this. in a week and a half NO MORE EXAMS :D and on a happy road to summer holidays. working hard cameron! have to nerd it out, try not to procrastinate like ive been doing the last 3-4 hours [:
i woke up today to people telling me theres going to be world war III because of north korea/south korea. whats wrong with korean people... :\ i love korean people D: although i must admit i don't know any north koreans. well not any that would admit they're not korean. haha. and again i must admit, i couldnt help but think of code geass and how cool it would be to have powers like that ._. pity its impossible literally. :\ hitting someone when they're down :o ouch.
its amazing how no matter how many times you talk to a person first on msn, or sometimes even in real life, they won't talk back to you first. you always have to be the one to open up that conversation, even though your doing homework and have your status on available, your still that one opening the conversation. maybe people really don't like talking. haha. [: another night without anyone talking to me, reminds me of the holidays a while back where i was on the computer almost 24/7 and i didn't get anyone talking to me not even a hi, or give me the answers or play a game with me for almost a week. its amazing [: sometimes you just give up!
on a side note, cravings for the unimaginable have been creeping back into my life. (:
do you ever have those times when you think your missing out on something? :\ every minute you spend doing nothing, every minute you wonder what the fuck am i doing? everytime that happens i think of everything im probably missing out on, its pain wrenching if thats even something but it happens and theres not much you can do about it. sometimes your just not included. sometimes your forgotten. sometimes you can't do it and sometimes they just dont want you there.
no matter what happens you have to face easy and hard times, how you get through the hard times determines what sort of person you are. :s just bare through it, even if nobody notices, which sometimes can be the hardest part, bare through it. (:
i never really understood what was actual friendship. i never known what a true friend is but now i think i know, truly understand. i always had this fake, idea of a friend. picture perfect as it may be. but thats not what you have to have from a friend.
a friend is someone who would stand up for you, have your back, take a hit for you without regrets. someone you know you can trust, you know the boundaries in which you can trust them determine the level of friendship, and just in general how much you can rely on them. they don't always have to be by your side, go out with you whenever you want, but they're there for you when you need it. i give myself out too openly, trust people who don't deserve to be trusted, but thats what makes me different.
i dont know what it is but sometimes theres just times where i cant stand seeing a friend hurt, even if i don't know them that well i am willing to stand up for them. and i just want to lash out at something. the circumstance will come one day, and when it does, i have their back. [:
sure theres people who wouldnt believe a word of what i say and most of the above only applies to guys. i don't have any girls who id feel that way about. :\ sure if someone was attacking them id protect them, but not out of the same obligation. i just felt i had to say that (: back to attempting to study hard!
a friend is someone who would stand up for you, have your back, take a hit for you without regrets. someone you know you can trust, you know the boundaries in which you can trust them determine the level of friendship, and just in general how much you can rely on them. they don't always have to be by your side, go out with you whenever you want, but they're there for you when you need it. i give myself out too openly, trust people who don't deserve to be trusted, but thats what makes me different.
i dont know what it is but sometimes theres just times where i cant stand seeing a friend hurt, even if i don't know them that well i am willing to stand up for them. and i just want to lash out at something. the circumstance will come one day, and when it does, i have their back. [:
sure theres people who wouldnt believe a word of what i say and most of the above only applies to guys. i don't have any girls who id feel that way about. :\ sure if someone was attacking them id protect them, but not out of the same obligation. i just felt i had to say that (: back to attempting to study hard!
omg. i just had the best night of sleep i've had in ages. and i actually had a dream! yay. :L um. i can remember that i was like in a world where everything was built off pages of a magazine sort of, and for some reason theres chatrooms in them. and than i was talking to a couple of people and one of my other friends was reading one of the things in the magazine. wow that just sounds weird putting it in perspective. anyway it was nice [:
i really have to get down and study properly now, at the very least until the end of my exams.
i really have to get down and study properly now, at the very least until the end of my exams.
cameron got a haircut, and for those who dont believe i cut anything off. think again, and yes i know my hair was messy in the first one but i sort of just had a shower. bite me for it...
im messing with you, i don't like posting pictures of myself but i have nothing better to do sometimes. i don't like seeing my face so your never going to get a front view photo. bite me for it again. im messing with you again (:
but seriously, its a lot shorter. joy to the world. nah, i just had to cut it before summer holidays because if i got it cut during summer holidays it wouldnt have time to grow a bit cus my hair always looks funny after a haircut. most times really, just cant help it [:
anyways, you met my twin cousin? aren't we cute posers. im messing with you again. isn't this fun. personally i like the one on the right better, he looks a bit thinner.
nah, we like making love. i have no idea why im so white here. my webcammax isn't working properly, its sort of unregistered itself, and i cant be bothered finding a new keygen. [:
umm, i have no idea why my writing suddenly turned to bold font but i'll just go with it. yeah, this is the only time you'll see me, treasure it. hahha.... no cameron. i really have nothing better to do. i really should study but i really have a fuck the world mentality at the moment. everythings messed up. not one thing goes my way, and when that happens to you, whats the easiest thing to do? turn around and pretend it never happened. thats what im doing, and theres nothing else to it. tomorrow i get to go to sushi samurai and eat some expensive japanese food wasting my parents money once again. (:
i really haven't made anything out of my life these last few weeks, its just been dragging on. some things i thought were ages ago, turn out to be a few weeks ago, some things i think are soon, are ages away. its just how things turn out to be. :\ my ipod totally fucked up, the screen like burnt or something, i dont know, it was in my pocket and i took it out to play and the screens messed up. thanks apple. i was getting a new one anyway i guess :s
i really do say i guess, anyway, too much but no one cares! -smileyface.
i need some brightness in my life, boom, break out of this dull fortress. hehh. not going to happen anytime soon. hope i do well in my exams, i got to get to it from tomorrow onwards.
oh. and i just got reminded, you know when people say just kidding/jokes or anything along those lines, the tv show i was watching last night said that when people say that 50% of the time they're just saying the truth or what they want to say and add just kidding/jokes to cover up so they're not left vulnerable. thats completely true. :\ thats the sad thing. the statistics are probably pulled out of thin air, its actually probably more than that. i realised i say things like that sometimes. (: its breaks the tension.
im messing with you, i don't like posting pictures of myself but i have nothing better to do sometimes. i don't like seeing my face so your never going to get a front view photo. bite me for it again. im messing with you again (:
but seriously, its a lot shorter. joy to the world. nah, i just had to cut it before summer holidays because if i got it cut during summer holidays it wouldnt have time to grow a bit cus my hair always looks funny after a haircut. most times really, just cant help it [:
anyways, you met my twin cousin? aren't we cute posers. im messing with you again. isn't this fun. personally i like the one on the right better, he looks a bit thinner.
nah, we like making love. i have no idea why im so white here. my webcammax isn't working properly, its sort of unregistered itself, and i cant be bothered finding a new keygen. [:
umm, i have no idea why my writing suddenly turned to bold font but i'll just go with it. yeah, this is the only time you'll see me, treasure it. hahha.... no cameron. i really have nothing better to do. i really should study but i really have a fuck the world mentality at the moment. everythings messed up. not one thing goes my way, and when that happens to you, whats the easiest thing to do? turn around and pretend it never happened. thats what im doing, and theres nothing else to it. tomorrow i get to go to sushi samurai and eat some expensive japanese food wasting my parents money once again. (:
i really haven't made anything out of my life these last few weeks, its just been dragging on. some things i thought were ages ago, turn out to be a few weeks ago, some things i think are soon, are ages away. its just how things turn out to be. :\ my ipod totally fucked up, the screen like burnt or something, i dont know, it was in my pocket and i took it out to play and the screens messed up. thanks apple. i was getting a new one anyway i guess :s
i really do say i guess, anyway, too much but no one cares! -smileyface.
i need some brightness in my life, boom, break out of this dull fortress. hehh. not going to happen anytime soon. hope i do well in my exams, i got to get to it from tomorrow onwards.
oh. and i just got reminded, you know when people say just kidding/jokes or anything along those lines, the tv show i was watching last night said that when people say that 50% of the time they're just saying the truth or what they want to say and add just kidding/jokes to cover up so they're not left vulnerable. thats completely true. :\ thats the sad thing. the statistics are probably pulled out of thin air, its actually probably more than that. i realised i say things like that sometimes. (: its breaks the tension.
teen depression
yeah, depression is a real disorder. (Y) if you didn't notice that was sarcasm. if your not missing an extra chromosome, if your not physically unable to do something due to a problem with your body that is a disorder but depression is a state of mind what a joke. had a mufti day on friday for it, they expect me to give money for that and than the chemistry teacher goes on crying about it, its pathetic. it is a state of mind, everyone gets down every now and than, depression is just a state of mind where you isolate yourself and force yourself into that depressed state, its not a disorder. go get help? talk to friends? its seriously a joke to me, they just don't understand do they.
everythings just dull. thats the only word i can think of these days. the weathers dull, and the rain isn't even real rain. i have to go through the same crappy routine cycle week after week:
monday : - school - basketball training.
tuesday : - school -
wednesday: - school - sport -
thursday: - school - basketball game.
friday: - school - go to my brothers basketball game.
saturday: -work which i fucking hate but my mum won't let me quit which is even more pathetic-
sunday: -tutor -
and than it all goes back into the same cycle. sure theres variations occassionally but its all the same, eat, sleep, study, thats all that i got. if you just kick off work on saturday, my life would be complete, i could actually get time to do proper study, perhaps even sleep in one day.
expectations
im completely over expectations. expectations in everything, not academically mainly. im just.. urgh. im not even going to finish this post. x) expectations that talking with people will help. expectations that theres nothing wrong. its too much.
