redemption.

you know for the most advanced living organisms on this planet, humans are really simple. people try to complicate themselves but honestly they need to accept simplicity. if you're happy, life is good. if you're sad, life is shit. if you're angry, then you're fucked. if you like someone, admit it. people should be in control of themselves and their emotions, its all mentality. i hate it when people try to avoid themselves, they deny the truth, toss themselves deeper into a pointless complication where being honest makes it that much simpler.

people should be able to ask any question without worry, look ill answer it any question truthfully the best i can because its stupid to lie to others and its even stupider to lie to yourself.

try me

when life hands you hardship, you need the strength to pull through. there is no hope if you don't believe. what hope is there if you can't trust in your friends. what hope is there if you don't even believe in yourself. in life, theres just too many problems, not everything can be solved, you solve one thing and another pops up. i know i can never be worry free, but if you're content that is enough. i think that i keep my dreams too high, i know i keep them too high but if i don't keep believing that one day something might happen then i can't step into the next day. all i have left are these shattered dreams and broken hope without the determination to believe. what am i even talking about.. my life used to be more eventful than this.

friendship.. when you lose the friend, all you have is the ship and its sinking. i read that from my facebook status. its sort of true though. everyday im fighting to keep my friends, making it seem like its an effort i just don't see the worth anymore. i don't see any worth in anything i do. and its late and i don't even know what im talking about so im just going to sleep. all i wrote was misguided thoughts. my heart just hurts lately and i dont know whats wrong. it just feels like im missing something.. i dont wanna talk about it anymore.

i want an awkward encounter. i want something to break me out of the ordinary cycle. i want to be able to want something, to genuinely wake up from this.

what hope was there to begin with. all im ever doing is trying to escape.

its funny how everything comes back on you. i try to get over unrealistic expectations, people are too amazing. kpop stars, jiyeon, hyorin, ailee, BoA, IU, CL... the list goes on. i turn myself to more realistic expectations and im still shut down in life. i can't bring myself to do anything, i can't bring myself to move on, i can't bring myself to break through that glass wall and in the end i'm just standing here crushed. i keep telling myself to never give up, never give up hope that something will come around. never stop believing. but everytime i tell myself that its just like an overwhelming wave just breaking me. im broken, im down and out for the last time. don't try to spur any motivation into me. don't try to make me happy because all i will do is put on a smile. laugh it out. if you notice the small things, you may notice but honestly, nothing can bring me back up except time. byebye.

i woke up to this. feeling just a little bit more human.

somebody accidently leaned on my leg today, made me remember the value of human touch. its really hard being alone but sometimes its really just meant to be. i can't help but look down on people lately, i just pity their existence. i realised how much i really love koreans. somethings in life are just unattainable.

dream high 2 is amazing. jiyeon is really pretty and look ailee and hyorin and omg, they're all just ridiculously cute. makes me feel so incomplete. i look around, they're just my age but their life is so much more complete. mine is just empty... without reason. there is no equivalent exchange in life. everyones not born equal and the way i live, all i see other people do is take. i've taken myself out of their world because its just easier not existing. where everything is do is meaningless. this drama gives me that tingle of happiness once a week and in these last five episodes, these last five hours, its going to be painful watching it end. like life, you're meant to make the most out of it but in the end, when you're at the end, all you're doing is looking at the end.

i have no ambition. i have no determination. people lately have been calling me weak and its true. in every single aspect as a person, im weak. all i can do is dream of an unrealistic fantasy, all i can do is sit here miserably at 4am in the morning by myself staring blankly at the wall wondering. the next few days are going to be left empty too. i will sit here and if im lucky, it will at least rain to give me something to look at. i used to hate the rain but all i can do now is hope for winter. rain drowns away the sorrows and brings different kinds of pain. everything i ever wanted in this world is out of reach and im crying in my own abyss. i could talk endlessly about complaints but when i talk to people all i can do is face them with a smile, laugh things off and just talk for the sake of talking. maybe i wasn't meant to have my own happiness but just slide into the normality of this world, flow into the lifestream where everyone is closer than they think but loneliness is draped around their neck tighter than any winter scarf.

people come in and exit out of your lives like its nothing. theyre nothing. people who don't treat you right have no place in your life. people don't get to spend quality time with that many people during their lives, if the person doesn't deserve it, they're not worth it. everyones on a clock. time is ticking. time is ticking away. honestly, sometimes i sit here and wonder why do i talk with this person. why do i still check my formspring tab here when i havent been asked a question in almost a month. why do i still blog, who do i tumblr, theres only self satisfaction left in any of this. why do i respond when they say hi. im expired but, my prime is over. im worthless honestly. if i keep living like this, sickness will take me early. been through hell already, no room in heaven.