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Archive for July 2010
ふざけるな。
my parents are always trying to screw with my head, いつも。
one minute they're telling me, go practice piano cameron, go study, why are you always playing games, talking to friends. tsch, give me a break. forcing themselves upon me, don't pretend its because you care, i thought it was at one point until the night before my exam, i was trying to study and they told me clearly, they don't give a shit. how is someone like me meant to react to that? pretending to care one moment, pushing me away the next, not just at home.
next thing i know today my mums telling me i have to continue with economics? まじか。
its the worst scaling subject i have, im really not good at it at all but because its one of my only subjects above average my mums telling me i have to do it. telling me i shouldn't do jap extension either. whats the point of going to school in the first place, go to a subject i don't even like, sit there with a teacher who doesn't even teach me and study my ass off when i get home just to get some crap ass mark or do a subject i like, which i can improve in. im not bad at jap its just my school, the people which do jap are better than i am. aish.
jap people coming this week, what a drag. was excited at one point, but look at me, im sixteen years old, i've never had a girlfriend, i don't do good in school, im not good at anything and i dont even have any close friends, and now ... sometimes i wonder what have i been doing. scrap that, not sometimes, practically everyday. how would things be if i did this, lived here, spoke to this person.. im tired of all of this. sick of it even, now i have to go back to this tormenting world of assignments on a subject i don't even like, and essays i have to memorise on a subject where even if i try my best, ill never get a good mark because the teachers hate me, no im not making excuses. if you could even get a glimpse of whats going through my head now, you'd be mindfucked. deal with it.
facebook statuses are getting stupid now because anyone can just make one on one of those sites. ♥, likeit etc. whatever they're called but they're getting silly! some of them don't even make grammatical sense, and i've seen some with a lot of likes when they can't even spell the word properly! hows that work, unless the thing was like poepel need to learn how to spel proparli. or something stupid like that, some of those JK ones are funny now, but now people are just using them to say things they wouldn't usually say. :\ good in a way, but if i created a page thingy i'd want credit for it! :D
oh, and some people do the stupidest poses in pictures. :s or they just look terrible in them, you reckon if you were going to post a picture of yourself, at least make yourself look partially decent, unless its like one of those ones which your friend took than its understandable but still! ahhh, i'm a study machine. (: i'm actually out of things to study now though, just doing pointless easy exercises, wish the test was tomorrow. get it done and over with so i can get on with my economics/english assignments. they're going to be a pain in the ... rearside. :D literally, oh my, i just got that expression. LOL. things like that make my day now, quite sad.
what else can i comment on. :s want to hear cameron talk about relationships, and emotionally ushy mushy stuff? LOL. D: well bad luck, im not blogging like that, and if i did it would be positive! over all that ... uhh. seriously though, some of those facebook pages are just to say things you want to say, but wouldn't say! think about it! every have those moments when your just sitting there, or you read someones name, and you think about what they're doing? (:
i do! can't seem to think what they're doing though. i haven't had a dream in ages. whats going on, losing my imagination already? sixteen huh. japanese people come next week , countdown continues!
oh oh oh. and i got a cut on my back the other day when i was completely wasting my time making a basketball video of me being crappy LOL. you have no idea what was going through my mind on that day, neither do i. either way, i was like what is this cut! omgosh - sadface. haha. i couldn't even see it properly either, but i felt it and i had to go see it in the mirror. its practically gone now though. no huge scar that makes me look tank! :L
oh, now is really not the best time cameron. :\ your not allowed to get urges to dunk when your meant to be studying, you don't have a basketball team, and none of your friends play basketball anymore. why cameron D: why do you have that urge so badly ;s i wasted my afternoon yesterday even freaking making a video of me playing. if thats not sad, what is. (: i think i was a little uhh... guess i'll call it high yesterday. consciously though, but i felt so freee. oh my. so thats how it is huh.
well, my friend came back today after getting chicken pox or shingles or... don't worry. whatever it is, not going to google, my other friend gave me bad images of it from a wrong explanation anyways, after that was done. he made me consider some things :s
aside from that, i really should be studying (: but i really don't have that much material, and gosh, i use too many emoticons don't i, totally misleading yeah? hahaha.
i was in the library on saturday, even though i was going to study, and i saw these two really cute japanese kids, and they .. blew my mind. i was reading slam dunk even D: that anime really should've finished, it gives me that happy tingly feeling, overriding that awkward feeling in .. i give up explaining once again. :D
i most likely won't blog that much, i have maths exam week 2 thursday, english exam week 3 friday, economics assignment i havent started week 4 monday, jindabyne week 5 sunday - friday and yearlies week 7 thursday - friday, week 8 monday - friday. (: in for a rough patch here cameron. bringg it.
fine fine. (: cameron will make one post before his long, weary, hauntingly, study excessive, tormenting term finally kicks into his tiny head. :D i worked it out. i will have no actual free time where i can have fun ever. :\ maybe short periods of fun, but being exposed to short periods of fun just make it oh such more painful when its over and the long wait inbetween for the next period of fun. uh example.. playing one intense basketball game like my grand finals, win it and than your all warmed up and before you know it its over. and look what now? i won't play another basketball game for practically ever. :\ next game will be for grade sport hopefully.. i should get in ;s otherwise the coach is giving me false hope, ill be year 12 for this season! OLDEST. :D kick some year 9 butt. hahh. anyways, my thursday night games are over, not due to my behalf, i really want to continue playing i do. i'd say its karma but i don't like that word. i ditched my original team from year 7 to play with my other friends team which i played for at lidcombe even though i don't enjoy playing with them as much because they have poor teamwork, they are all individualistic, get up on themselves occasionally and just not fun to play with however i decided to join them and ditch my other team forcing them to disband. oh look at another dumb decision in my life. :L that team got kicked out because the association is racist pigs and than im stuck on no team, and great. there goes my last season of basketball, way to ruin my highschool dream. all i ever wanted was to backboard pin or dunk in a game. ): not even in a game, just anywhere :\ never gonna happen, backboard pin needs a game because only gonna get it off a fast break and dunk.. with the exercise im doing, give it another 5 years after i finish uni and can finally start exercising. D: kick a little bit of motivation into me yeah?! (: well there goes that dream. ^ scroll down to other post where i posted my dreams someplace and just cross them all out in red as fail . someone do that for me? thanks :s just guess my password. shouldn't be hard.
oh goodie. i would redraw or post my fun graph for the holidays -> school on but im really not in the mood for that either. ;s hmm .. oh . back to school shall i , got maths test next week which i will start studying for tomorrow. or perhaps today if i can finish my english/write this basketball article/do my jap sheet. i'll probably stay on msn until tuesday though. than those last few days ill just nerd it out. :D or perhaps just stay on msn and not reply there. study needs frequent breaks, not good for me to just whack it around like that especially with my brain capacity :L it can't take itt. oh my.. that doesn't make sense. moving on ->
up for a big next year and a half. got to keep my mind on track, keen, motivated and all. :D don't give up cameronn. you can do it if you try! -rahhhhhhhhhhhh :D heh. off to do homework now, its a miracle. that picture sort of makes me sad :\ don't judgeee. just play sadness and sorrow in the background and make it move a bit and your set;
don't judge me ._. but that ed was nice. (: had some nice, some strange frames though :\ slice of life huh.
haha. (: look at them sleep. note: soccers still going; everyones just chilling out .
guess you can't make it out here but its jeffs face, and than it says dick on the screen. (:
chatswood is so nice at night, just walking down the middle of the street. (:
oh so nice. :D
haven't posted all holidays have i? don't blame me. theres nothing exciting going on, no brain popping ideas, events etc. my lifes boring, i just try to create things out of nothing though ;D don't most people.
right now.. as someone i know says it ; so mellow. (: oh so true. ive been up for practically thirty two hours, slept maybe an hour during the end of first half/start of second half not that anything happened. that soccer game was dead. but mr. paul the octopus wins again. :D genius, as i was just talking with someone else, if i ate his brains would i get smarter? :L heh.. saying someone else, makes me sound like i talk to so many people. but i really don't. gets lonely sometimes, just sitting here wondering whether i exist like some philosopher 'whyyy' :s oh oh . rewind back to last friday. that was sort of a blur too, didnt get me excited at all. watched karate kid, gosh that was a good movie. well some parts weren't great, but a black kid doing kung fu ok. when we got to the tournament i think it sort of killed it ; anyways than went to lunch/caps/kae in that order. than i think thats all. (: the lunch was alright, cost me $11.90 for tempura udon. whys it even tempura, you can't write tempura in japanese, its tenpura. stupid english translations... :\ anyways, than walked up to caps, played with those crane machines. not that i did. not wasting money like that. wasted $36.65. practically the only thing i can remember. the kae wasn't too good, the place was alright. but the company didn't keep me very excited :\ no offence. some of it was alright, but than parts just died. who the fuck sings coldplay at an asian kae ok. why do they even have that. and god.. britney spears too. we're not that sad ;s are we. am i ;o off home, than unfortunately, that 'fun' day didn't turn out as fun as i was hoping. was alright though.
than moved on to sunday -> hehh. had my cousins birthday, shes actually really cute now. (: turned two. i was even tempted to take luvo photos with her! omgosh,kidding. haha. :D wouldnt have had an opportunity and i was all messy and she was busy running around being the growing girl she is. got home around 6, and guess what cameron. out we go back to chatswood after dinner. ohoho. :D yes, dam right. this is where those pictures came from. got to chatswood at 7:43, thank you dad for dropping me off (: not that you read this, my parents are nice when they need to be, really needed a day out. don't regret not going, only for a small part though... saw something i'd rather not have :\ anyways, moving on we had korean bbq whoo. :D yes i ate more, haha. than that made it around 9:30-10 o clock, than we headed back to my friends house and played poker. i lost in the most stupidest round, ill skip inbetween details because im too sleepy. and they're, not very, important. (: i lost my money, yes we did bet $10, lost it on a 4-8 straight because the other guy had a flush :\ i was so confident too. oh well. that was the best all in i could've done without wasting hours and hours. :D my friend lost with pocket aces, haha. off we went back to chatswood and went pc, than were like this is boring D: no ones playing -> to kae, but oh look... we have to wait and it shuts at 3 so we waited around than went in for the last half hour. that waiting was fun. ;D pushed jeff down the main chatswood mall street in a trolley bahha. anyways, kae was better. i did sing a bit, although i know im terrible because they didn't try to force it on me, the songs weren't terrible, played some i actually knew or weren't too bad. :D so i sung a bit. i like kae, its cheap as a group and sort of relaxs me. im not sure :\ heh. anyways going off the plot again, back to jeffs house and after changing his desktop and msn pictures and facebook pictures to multiple inappropiate pictures etc. it was 4:30 so we watched soccer, and i fell asleep for a bit sometime there, than woke back up watched the end. scored at 116' huh... :\ that guy looked like mr. croan trevor kept saying hahh. in a strange way. ;s anyways. i say anyways a lot ;o moving on? -> came back at 8, was craving pancakes but i resisted, got home and have been trying to keep myself awake ever since. (:
hows that for a blog post anon. don't think ill be going out anymore though, hopes gone. but i did wish twice on 11:11 in the last few days . :\ not my lucky days though.
right now.. as someone i know says it ; so mellow. (: oh so true. ive been up for practically thirty two hours, slept maybe an hour during the end of first half/start of second half not that anything happened. that soccer game was dead. but mr. paul the octopus wins again. :D genius, as i was just talking with someone else, if i ate his brains would i get smarter? :L heh.. saying someone else, makes me sound like i talk to so many people. but i really don't. gets lonely sometimes, just sitting here wondering whether i exist like some philosopher 'whyyy' :s oh oh . rewind back to last friday. that was sort of a blur too, didnt get me excited at all. watched karate kid, gosh that was a good movie. well some parts weren't great, but a black kid doing kung fu ok. when we got to the tournament i think it sort of killed it ; anyways than went to lunch/caps/kae in that order. than i think thats all. (: the lunch was alright, cost me $11.90 for tempura udon. whys it even tempura, you can't write tempura in japanese, its tenpura. stupid english translations... :\ anyways, than walked up to caps, played with those crane machines. not that i did. not wasting money like that. wasted $36.65. practically the only thing i can remember. the kae wasn't too good, the place was alright. but the company didn't keep me very excited :\ no offence. some of it was alright, but than parts just died. who the fuck sings coldplay at an asian kae ok. why do they even have that. and god.. britney spears too. we're not that sad ;s are we. am i ;o off home, than unfortunately, that 'fun' day didn't turn out as fun as i was hoping. was alright though.
than moved on to sunday -> hehh. had my cousins birthday, shes actually really cute now. (: turned two. i was even tempted to take luvo photos with her! omgosh,kidding. haha. :D wouldnt have had an opportunity and i was all messy and she was busy running around being the growing girl she is. got home around 6, and guess what cameron. out we go back to chatswood after dinner. ohoho. :D yes, dam right. this is where those pictures came from. got to chatswood at 7:43, thank you dad for dropping me off (: not that you read this, my parents are nice when they need to be, really needed a day out. don't regret not going, only for a small part though... saw something i'd rather not have :\ anyways, moving on we had korean bbq whoo. :D yes i ate more, haha. than that made it around 9:30-10 o clock, than we headed back to my friends house and played poker. i lost in the most stupidest round, ill skip inbetween details because im too sleepy. and they're, not very, important. (: i lost my money, yes we did bet $10, lost it on a 4-8 straight because the other guy had a flush :\ i was so confident too. oh well. that was the best all in i could've done without wasting hours and hours. :D my friend lost with pocket aces, haha. off we went back to chatswood and went pc, than were like this is boring D: no ones playing -> to kae, but oh look... we have to wait and it shuts at 3 so we waited around than went in for the last half hour. that waiting was fun. ;D pushed jeff down the main chatswood mall street in a trolley bahha. anyways, kae was better. i did sing a bit, although i know im terrible because they didn't try to force it on me, the songs weren't terrible, played some i actually knew or weren't too bad. :D so i sung a bit. i like kae, its cheap as a group and sort of relaxs me. im not sure :\ heh. anyways going off the plot again, back to jeffs house and after changing his desktop and msn pictures and facebook pictures to multiple inappropiate pictures etc. it was 4:30 so we watched soccer, and i fell asleep for a bit sometime there, than woke back up watched the end. scored at 116' huh... :\ that guy looked like mr. croan trevor kept saying hahh. in a strange way. ;s anyways. i say anyways a lot ;o moving on? -> came back at 8, was craving pancakes but i resisted, got home and have been trying to keep myself awake ever since. (:
hows that for a blog post anon. don't think ill be going out anymore though, hopes gone. but i did wish twice on 11:11 in the last few days . :\ not my lucky days though.
just a shout out for fifi. (:
she made blogshop and if anyone wants to look heres the link:
fifi's blogshop.
some of those clothes are really cute :3 have fun peoples.
she made blogshop and if anyone wants to look heres the link:
fifi's blogshop.
some of those clothes are really cute :3 have fun peoples.
this is one step up. keep on moving up, one step at a time . (:
think you grew again cameron! not physically of course, haven't grown in around two-three years. ;D stunted, don't think i'll get any taller, but it doesn't matter, don't need to be taller, don't need to be different, don't need to change, just need to grow cameron, mentally. ;D think i have, my brains starting to move into patterns by itself, uhh.. i can say things without really thinking about it, especially with my hands on a keyboard. it just flows out, like water gushing down a waterfall is split by an obstacle, and keeps on flowing on and merges up further along the river, and all ends up together as one body of water in the ocean. (: its always been one, its just been trying to find that one. get that analogy? hahh. doesn't matter if you don't, my brains working a little more complex than usual today.
i realised i don't need to worry anymore, no more doubt, no more. whenever i even think of one negative thought, theres all these positive thoughts to counteract it. ;D people can forget about sad moments, example myself. my life was really fucked over when i was young. sure you might not believe me, but i was just some self-centered, attention-seeking yet lonely like all attention seekers are, fat little asian kid. don't believe me? (: i have photos to prove it, only really started to stretch out around year 8.
im happy okay, thats all in the past. its behind, think forward, move forward, think happy thoughts :D sort of started talking to a friend for 3-4 hours inbetween that paragraph so i lost my train of thought. but feel better than ever, reminds me of times when i watched drama in bed on my psp to sleep (: hehh... no comment .
today should be a happy day yeah? (: yeah, its a happy day.
to put it short.
- start of holidays!
- i won my basketball grand finals 42-38
- more happy yeah. (:
on to point two, danana. cameron's basketball game, they're meant to make you feel happy, im meant to want to win, meant to show determination, motivation, want to get better, be better, be the best. ;s no cameron, your just another ordinary 6"0 guy who plays basketball, sure everyone might be thinking oh look your tall, but no im not. if i went to a proper league , i would play a fucking pointguard alright. do i look like a pointguard? maybe shooting guard? i can't dribble properly, cant shoot very well. you know. :\ well we won today alright. (: my last game with blue falcons, been with them since year 7. shall miss them, esp playing with my year 12 friend. his the best, great to play with him, unlike the team im going to, but.. peer pressure, and if im not there, hopefully he'll go study. i want him to do well. honestly. this next season will be my last season of playing basketball, probably ever. i have to make it my best, happiest. (: don't think ill be able to do it with the team im going to have. they're terrible hogs, not even good because they all think they can shoot the ball, they're not kobe bryant, given in a real situation they're going to miss everything. and i know it, they never give me the ball, i have to fight for it off the rebound. its a struggle playing with them, but they're the closest i got to friends now huh. ;s everythings sort of dropping around. onto my game shall we? there were quite a few people watching, as usual , my other friends said they were going to come, but couldnt. not that i blame them, they're not really my friends to be honest. i tried once upon a time, guess theres better people to hang around with than me huh. haha. :D anyways, the game went on, i got the first two points. good job cameron, yay - clap hands. and.. probably doesn't matter from my view point how i played. its probably better not to hear it yeah. (: ask someone else, if you care that much.
on to number three. happy (: smile. think i developed a happier tone to webcamming, heh. but not open enough yet, when i think of the word smile on paper i see it in an array of rainbow colours. use to be happier when i was younger in a way, but less mature, but still better, happier in that way. :D do the best with what you get, try hard and fight. bbashya ~ don't give up cameron.
