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Archive for February 2010
wah. i just felt the need i had to blog something because ive done basically every single bit of homework i should do and no ones talking to me on msn, so im just fucking sitting here nothing! WOW. D: i know. its sad. i really should get out more, people keep on telling me to go out and i say with whom! i go out almost everytime im invited unless i have something on and i change it if i can :x wah. anyways, i had coaching again today and everything just passed by so fast, i really prefer it than school. maybe its because theres girls in the class even if they are ugly shits. its much more interesting sitting in that corner ~
oh i wasn't in the corner and there was some 20 year old girl well she looked that old anyway behind me and it feels so weird with someone behind you! ahh, i dont like people behind me it feels like they're either staring at me or they're going to jump me! :L
for some reason that reminded me of the speeches in japanese where i learnt that ansatsusha is assasin and ansatsu is assasinate. ahahaa. (: anyways i was really happy the other day, and im not going to tell anyone why. its my little secret, and if i say that it makes people even more curious which makes me even happier! hah. :L it wouldve made me happy if it happened... but nooo. D; anyways, maybe another day.
well i only got a couple of weeks to exams so i really should study yes? no... maybe hah, i should study though. :D i have a jap test on monday i should do well in that but tomorrow i cant study that much! i have my asian grandfathers birthday dinner and you know what that means! more oh look cameron you look like an emo, oh your clothes are so casual oh why are you so stupid, you need to be more respectable and blah blah blah. :\ i get too much shit from people it really pisses me off. what do i do to them? its not like i go around insulting people. -sigh
anyways i had thai yestersday which was nice ~ i was hungry but it was probably more fun because i ate it with my friends i havent hanged out with in a long time. (: even if it was only for 40 min or so. anyways i also saw my friend from normo~ his all pimpish now. :D just like my brother! hah, i saw a photo on facebook of some girl holding a sign saying '-insert my brothers name- is a stupid gay' or something like that :L and comments saying he untags all real pictures of him! hahahahaha, his a good boy most of the time (: sometimes i envy him having so many people to talk to on msn, being better than me in almost everyway apart from smart. i think im smarter than him anyway... who knows.
i was watching densha otoko again this afternoon , watched the first episode and it was just too depressing to watch anymore. its just too unrealistic, a guy like that ever getting a girl close to that nice/beautiful/rich is the biggest bullshit ever. it would never happen get real. the english teacher at coaching made me more aware of realism :\ people only watch movies like that to help them get over the shit in their lives and make them think that things can always get better.sure it might get a bit better, but in my case it would hurt more than it would give me everytime. god im starting to not make sense ~ -rambles off .
ok thats long enough i think! time to find a picture to spam here to brighten up my post. hah this guys a genius! his cute little forum posts brighten me up , all that complex looking pro stuff! i dont know it just makes me a little bit happier.
oh i wasn't in the corner and there was some 20 year old girl well she looked that old anyway behind me and it feels so weird with someone behind you! ahh, i dont like people behind me it feels like they're either staring at me or they're going to jump me! :L
for some reason that reminded me of the speeches in japanese where i learnt that ansatsusha is assasin and ansatsu is assasinate. ahahaa. (: anyways i was really happy the other day, and im not going to tell anyone why. its my little secret, and if i say that it makes people even more curious which makes me even happier! hah. :L it wouldve made me happy if it happened... but nooo. D; anyways, maybe another day.
well i only got a couple of weeks to exams so i really should study yes? no... maybe hah, i should study though. :D i have a jap test on monday i should do well in that but tomorrow i cant study that much! i have my asian grandfathers birthday dinner and you know what that means! more oh look cameron you look like an emo, oh your clothes are so casual oh why are you so stupid, you need to be more respectable and blah blah blah. :\ i get too much shit from people it really pisses me off. what do i do to them? its not like i go around insulting people. -sigh
anyways i had thai yestersday which was nice ~ i was hungry but it was probably more fun because i ate it with my friends i havent hanged out with in a long time. (: even if it was only for 40 min or so. anyways i also saw my friend from normo~ his all pimpish now. :D just like my brother! hah, i saw a photo on facebook of some girl holding a sign saying '-insert my brothers name- is a stupid gay' or something like that :L and comments saying he untags all real pictures of him! hahahahaha, his a good boy most of the time (: sometimes i envy him having so many people to talk to on msn, being better than me in almost everyway apart from smart. i think im smarter than him anyway... who knows.
i was watching densha otoko again this afternoon , watched the first episode and it was just too depressing to watch anymore. its just too unrealistic, a guy like that ever getting a girl close to that nice/beautiful/rich is the biggest bullshit ever. it would never happen get real. the english teacher at coaching made me more aware of realism :\ people only watch movies like that to help them get over the shit in their lives and make them think that things can always get better.sure it might get a bit better, but in my case it would hurt more than it would give me everytime. god im starting to not make sense ~ -rambles off .
ok thats long enough i think! time to find a picture to spam here to brighten up my post. hah this guys a genius! his cute little forum posts brighten me up , all that complex looking pro stuff! i dont know it just makes me a little bit happier.
ahhhh, i was about to go into a long rant about looking through peoples photos on facebook and them all looking so happy with their friends and always talking to people and them being out someplace or going out someplace or having people to go out with someplace but that would make me seem a little depressing ~ so... i shall rage about my basketball game being cancelled! and other stuff. :L
well my basketball game was cancelled! the stupid other team ('cougars') forfeited. ): i was looking forward really badly to our game late at 10 ~ give me an excuse to stay up and actually doing something not sitting on my computer pretending to talk to people! well, they do talk to me sometimes, but they seem to be getting further away :\ maybe its school. i hope; think positive!
well i also done most of my work! i think im finally back into working mode, i caught up in every subject except i still have to do my eco assignment and stuff but i am starting to like school more because theres actually people, sure i dont like meeting people but just having people around and playing basketball makes me a little happier. (:
well my basketball game was cancelled! the stupid other team ('cougars') forfeited. ): i was looking forward really badly to our game late at 10 ~ give me an excuse to stay up and actually doing something not sitting on my computer pretending to talk to people! well, they do talk to me sometimes, but they seem to be getting further away :\ maybe its school. i hope; think positive!
well i also done most of my work! i think im finally back into working mode, i caught up in every subject except i still have to do my eco assignment and stuff but i am starting to like school more because theres actually people, sure i dont like meeting people but just having people around and playing basketball makes me a little happier. (:
D: today i walk into english right, and the teachers calling names up same as usual im like, oh no worries - picks up my book. oh look cameron, you have to fucking rewrite the essay you spent 30 minutes on because its 'very awkward'. how about FUCK YOU you fucking bitch D: why cant i have a proper teacher which doesnt criticize everything i write, its bloody english everythings right as long as i have bullshit to back it up with ): ngahhh, anyways i caught back up in maths i think, even though i didnt know how to do most of it :) why cant all my teachers be carefree or at least sexy so i can learn when im reading from them instead of looking at some fat white woman'
s face...
wahh, anyways most of my teachers are all retarded (: dont teach me much, even when i want to learn or just ignore me! bahha, this picture is funny :) from that azumanga book i read in the library in my frees... i really should do something more productive. well thats all for today, im sick! and oh, i got called emo today. :L compliment? oh wait he said i was depressed than asked everyone around me that dont they think im emo. and he can imagine me at the steps in front of places like in melbourne with all those emos. :x
s face...
wahh, anyways most of my teachers are all retarded (: dont teach me much, even when i want to learn or just ignore me! bahha, this picture is funny :) from that azumanga book i read in the library in my frees... i really should do something more productive. well thats all for today, im sick! and oh, i got called emo today. :L compliment? oh wait he said i was depressed than asked everyone around me that dont they think im emo. and he can imagine me at the steps in front of places like in melbourne with all those emos. :x
AHH. i dont even know what i wrote the last two times. i think i have memory problems, i can't remember much of what happened the last couple of weeks, its all been such a blur. everythings in like slow motion, but at normal pace.. :\ i dont know how to describe it. bah, anyways my internets been really slow and i just wasted 2 hours trying to watch things which took forever to load. i think i have homework i need to do, but im really lost about it, i dont know how to do most of it and the things i can do ill get bad marks for! maybe its the heat getting to my head, anyways i thought about it some more and im not over it. but i have to be~. theres lots of things i need to get over.. and i will put them down in a way that no one knows what they are related to but sort of know what they mean. (: if i can think like that, hah. :L
ill make a list of everything that annoys me and things i cant get over with yet which pop up in my head within the next 2 minutes:
1. being blocked on msn for 54 days. im not over that, and i won't be until i know what i did wrong.
2. being ignored over and over again by almost everyone.
3. being not taken seriously. it really really annoys me ahhh!
4. not having anyone who i can talk with about anything.
5. wasting my day sitting on the computer, not being productive and no one talking to me on msn which can be counted as a proper conversation. ;s either they go off about homework/dont reply or just aren't on. -sigh~
ill make a list of everything that annoys me and things i cant get over with yet which pop up in my head within the next 2 minutes:
1. being blocked on msn for 54 days. im not over that, and i won't be until i know what i did wrong.
2. being ignored over and over again by almost everyone.
3. being not taken seriously. it really really annoys me ahhh!
4. not having anyone who i can talk with about anything.
5. wasting my day sitting on the computer, not being productive and no one talking to me on msn which can be counted as a proper conversation. ;s either they go off about homework/dont reply or just aren't on. -sigh~
i think im finally over it, 90% of it anyway. (: i had a long meaningful conversation with a dog, its much easier getting things over with when you say them out loud, especially to a living thing, even better when they dont understand what you mean, but i eventually gave up when my hand hurt from petting her so much. i think i want a small dog/cat all cuddly and affectionate to cuddle up to for things like these, it could sleep at the bottom of my bed~ hah. but for some reason, it reminded me of the lion king, i want a lion cub like from lion king ~ cute and if it could speak, wahh, i dream too big.
i just watched lion king 1-3 and it made me happy. (: i dont care if anyone thinks its a kids show, it has just as much meaning if not more meaning than any other book/movie ive seen. i been thinking about what i want more and more everyday because most of the time i dont want anything in particular but now im not sure. :\ there are some things you want, but cant get, because of what you look like, how you act and how people perceive you. sure, no ones good at everything, look good and act perfectly, but i like to think that i can, if you thought of a person appearance? what would they be, white, black, asian, what type of hair, male, female its different for every person.
theres a limit to everything, what can you do to get better? what is better. ahh, :\ its too troublesome all these thoughts which i dont even know what they mean rush in my head.
i had a really meaningful dream last night, and id share it but .. its too personal. ngah, there will be one person i can share anything with one day, and they wont look down on me for what i do, what i say, what i look like.
i can't change myself anymore, its not me. :x thats what
i learnt from lion king, and not to judge people so fast.
theres a limit to everything, what can you do to get better? what is better. ahh, :\ its too troublesome all these thoughts which i dont even know what they mean rush in my head.
i had a really meaningful dream last night, and id share it but .. its too personal. ngah, there will be one person i can share anything with one day, and they wont look down on me for what i do, what i say, what i look like.
i can't change myself anymore, its not me. :x thats what
i learnt from lion king, and not to judge people so fast.
no matter how much i try to forget about someone, even if i hate them, even if i loved them, even if i haven't even met them, i can't forget them. is there anyone you just want to forget about, but little things in your life just keep on reminding you of them? perhaps a song, a moment, you just cant forget.
today was just another normal day for me, valentines day? chinese new year? no difference to me, but for some reason someone called me tired, and it got me thinking a bit, what am i tired of ;o this is starting to remind me of some english thing where you go into depth into something that the person which said it wasn't even thinking about, anyways i was just thinking what i am tired of, and i decided.
im sick of getting pushed around, being told that i can't do something.
sick of being told the things i like aren't good.
sick of being judged before the person knows me
and most of all im sick of being pushed away.
you think you've finally got somewhere, and it just sneaks away from you, one bit by bit and you just cant catch up.
well, yesterday i was out of it, the day before, this whole week ive been out of it not even sure about half this stuff im writing.
its just things ive been thinking about which most people wouldn't expect, those little things in the back of your head which you think about before you sleep.
i was just innocently going through the day, 7 periods, jap, maths, jap (kanji test which i failed (: ), economics, english (fire drill), chemistry, maths and I get home as usual. but when i got to the train station i missed the train so i had to get on the train with actual people :\ good thing i went to the other side of the platform and all my 'friends' were carrying mX which smelt funny, must've been for valentines day. i think they were meant to smell like cherries. :L anyways, valentines day im doing nothing again how fucking awesome. (: doesnt mean anything to me anyways just another day, and i got a whole bunch of homework to catch up on because i missed 3 days for camp especially jap. i think i've fallen behind in everything and this is the point in my life where i just cant catch up with everyone anymore :\ i dont know. i really try i do, but when you have no reason to do anything, you do little things on the side or do it really slowly and the days already over before you know it.
like those msn conversations where you talk to someone, sit there staring for a reply for 5 min, 10 min, 20 min, 25 min - they reply with one word. and it goes on and on, well i was just doing my jap homework and natsukage came up again and made me all sad ;S i cant go back to that so push forward cameron! optimisticc ok
hii, i think i havent posted for a while ;o ok i'll give an update on the random things i do to past time the last few weeks (:
ok well firstly, school started a while ago and i had peer support the first day!, its like year 11s in pairs partnering up with a group of yr 7s, about 6. yeah, well in my group i have two white kids, one is a pretty cool 32kg tiny kid, the others a retard, 4 asians, one of them is fat and won't stop saying really? or are you sure? or something annoying like that, the other one is just a normal asian, another one is a little typical nerdy looking tiny nsb year 7 and the other one WHICH WAS SICK FOR CAMP D: what a waste of $200+ was pretty cool. ;S anyways, well this monday-wednesday i had peer support camp! how fun yes? no... :L it was ok.
alright, camp!, had to go up in a coach for 3 hours and i just sat in the coach watching step up and playing games, and than we went straight there no pitstop! we got into cabins, and i was in a
5 cabin thingy with some of my 'friends' which was pretty cool, we stayed up calling people and than i just fell asleep shortly after, i barely texted anyone and now my phones screwed up and when someone texts me or i text them i can't see what i wrote or they wrote... and its not in inbox or anything. :\ not a lack of space, anyways that was weird. first we went archery! and i scored the most (: and than we went... uhh high ropes and there were girraween yr 11 people about 50m on the high high ropes which i wanted to go on! wahh, i just sat there staring for 1 and a half hrs than i had a go at the high ropes but one of the fat indian kids was crying so i went across and slowly helped him across and enjoyed the view (: oh, than we had some crappy night activity where there were games and we came like 5/15 or something stupid :L
anyways, after all the 'fun' inbetween that we went to the beach the next morning and the fucking camp instructor walks into the room and just screams MORNING. what a prickkk! anyways, slowly got up and than we went to the beach by bus, walked to the middle of no where on the otherside of the beach than walked back half way and went to a little shitty sheltered beach where we swam in seaweed covered shit in a space of about 50 by 15-
20m for 200 people. (: how fucking fun.. anyways we buried jeffery cus he deserved it. (: and than we got surrounded by about 30-40 people.. ><" after all that burning sun we got to go on 'low ropes' and get burnt even more and than we went to 'raft building'... after all that crap we finally did some night activities and stuff. (: yeah, i skipped a lot of stuff inbetween there but its not that important. ;D blah blah blah blah blah back at home played our basketball game and won 23-22. what a sad score! hah, well than i went to wait for the bus and i was just like thinking... dam, all these people i havent seen proper people up close in ages, back to all these ugly white people making me feel better about myself :L its trueee don't deny it i know you think it too. well that was in short the camp.. :\
OK, well school isn't much better, i got 4 mornings all english and i have to go to coaching on saturdays 11-5 and most sundays i have work so my weeks all gone. (: but somehoww, last saturday i moved coaching to sunday and went to the jap festival in the rain! awesome yeah? it was pouring down pretty hard though, and all i remember is walking and walking but we managed to get there and they were cosplaying! all these stupid white people trying to cosplay and most of them were pretty ugly but there were a few good ones, went to imax after that after waiting a while for my 'friends' to get takoyaki, and sat at imax for a while, walked all the way up to caps again and watched them spend about $50 on the machiness :L but they got a few toys ;o one double in one go ! hah, well than we went to karaoke where the place didnt have any nice songs and smelt funny and most people didnt want to sing but that was pretty fun (: than after a couple of people left we went to korean bbq wars dananana! hah, well it cost $25.60 but it was yum. we kept on fighting over beef, watching people eat , and than we went to get easywayy waited up at market city and i watched them laugh their heads off, dananana ~ ok than i got home and all i remembered was me being exhausted. :L
i missed a lot of the details and stuff, but as long as i remember it thats all i care about!
i have to catch up on work and i got two more basketball games! im loving basketball more and more :L wish i started earlier im getting way too old for everything.. i don't mind coaching its pretty fun but i just sit in the corner by myself yeahh :\
i have officially decided that i do not like white girls or black girls , too unattractive ;S there might be an exception like every now and than but 99.999% of the time NEVER. D: yay for asians, im not white. (: ever seen a white guy blog about stupid stuff like me!, dont answer that ;o
oh i also have a lot of mosquito bites and i feel fatter than usual, i drank 3L of milk on the second day for breakfast at camp but its all good funnn. have fun~ ^^
ok well firstly, school started a while ago and i had peer support the first day!, its like year 11s in pairs partnering up with a group of yr 7s, about 6. yeah, well in my group i have two white kids, one is a pretty cool 32kg tiny kid, the others a retard, 4 asians, one of them is fat and won't stop saying really? or are you sure? or something annoying like that, the other one is just a normal asian, another one is a little typical nerdy looking tiny nsb year 7 and the other one WHICH WAS SICK FOR CAMP D: what a waste of $200+ was pretty cool. ;S anyways, well this monday-wednesday i had peer support camp! how fun yes? no... :L it was ok.
alright, camp!, had to go up in a coach for 3 hours and i just sat in the coach watching step up and playing games, and than we went straight there no pitstop! we got into cabins, and i was in a
5 cabin thingy with some of my 'friends' which was pretty cool, we stayed up calling people and than i just fell asleep shortly after, i barely texted anyone and now my phones screwed up and when someone texts me or i text them i can't see what i wrote or they wrote... and its not in inbox or anything. :\ not a lack of space, anyways that was weird. first we went archery! and i scored the most (: and than we went... uhh high ropes and there were girraween yr 11 people about 50m on the high high ropes which i wanted to go on! wahh, i just sat there staring for 1 and a half hrs than i had a go at the high ropes but one of the fat indian kids was crying so i went across and slowly helped him across and enjoyed the view (: oh, than we had some crappy night activity where there were games and we came like 5/15 or something stupid :Lanyways, after all the 'fun' inbetween that we went to the beach the next morning and the fucking camp instructor walks into the room and just screams MORNING. what a prickkk! anyways, slowly got up and than we went to the beach by bus, walked to the middle of no where on the otherside of the beach than walked back half way and went to a little shitty sheltered beach where we swam in seaweed covered shit in a space of about 50 by 15-
20m for 200 people. (: how fucking fun.. anyways we buried jeffery cus he deserved it. (: and than we got surrounded by about 30-40 people.. ><" after all that burning sun we got to go on 'low ropes' and get burnt even more and than we went to 'raft building'... after all that crap we finally did some night activities and stuff. (: yeah, i skipped a lot of stuff inbetween there but its not that important. ;D blah blah blah blah blah back at home played our basketball game and won 23-22. what a sad score! hah, well than i went to wait for the bus and i was just like thinking... dam, all these people i havent seen proper people up close in ages, back to all these ugly white people making me feel better about myself :L its trueee don't deny it i know you think it too. well that was in short the camp.. :\OK, well school isn't much better, i got 4 mornings all english and i have to go to coaching on saturdays 11-5 and most sundays i have work so my weeks all gone. (: but somehoww, last saturday i moved coaching to sunday and went to the jap festival in the rain! awesome yeah? it was pouring down pretty hard though, and all i remember is walking and walking but we managed to get there and they were cosplaying! all these stupid white people trying to cosplay and most of them were pretty ugly but there were a few good ones, went to imax after that after waiting a while for my 'friends' to get takoyaki, and sat at imax for a while, walked all the way up to caps again and watched them spend about $50 on the machiness :L but they got a few toys ;o one double in one go ! hah, well than we went to karaoke where the place didnt have any nice songs and smelt funny and most people didnt want to sing but that was pretty fun (: than after a couple of people left we went to korean bbq wars dananana! hah, well it cost $25.60 but it was yum. we kept on fighting over beef, watching people eat , and than we went to get easywayy waited up at market city and i watched them laugh their heads off, dananana ~ ok than i got home and all i remembered was me being exhausted. :L
i missed a lot of the details and stuff, but as long as i remember it thats all i care about!
i have to catch up on work and i got two more basketball games! im loving basketball more and more :L wish i started earlier im getting way too old for everything.. i don't mind coaching its pretty fun but i just sit in the corner by myself yeahh :\
i have officially decided that i do not like white girls or black girls , too unattractive ;S there might be an exception like every now and than but 99.999% of the time NEVER. D: yay for asians, im not white. (: ever seen a white guy blog about stupid stuff like me!, dont answer that ;o
oh i also have a lot of mosquito bites and i feel fatter than usual, i drank 3L of milk on the second day for breakfast at camp but its all good funnn. have fun~ ^^
